Note: Of course, not based on my personal experience but merely close observation of (and interaction with) people surrounding me.
Berlaku adil
This is the hardest part actually. Paying mere lips service is not enough. Although this is what any man will promise to their first wife & kids: a night here, a night there blablablah.
Let’s assume that you (The Superior Male) have the true intention of fulfilling the said promise. The circumstances leading to you marrying a younger second wife normally end up with a much younger family unit too – in terms of having kids/babies. Unless you prearrange before hand, not to have kids at all with the second wife (which of course will leads to her to leaving you behind)! For female, having kid(s) is kind of like a guarantee for the husband to be responsible & tied down to the marriage.
So, the second wife with your baby in tow now. And tonight is the first wife’s turn. As per advise by the good people, never put your wives altogether under one roof, you soon arrived on the doorstep of the first wife after a long, tired day at work. Your kids with the first wife are much older and independent by now who can play by themselves – no more crying jag, nor demanding much of your attention – you’re in a bliss - happy, HAPPY. Your phone rang & it was from your second wife: Your youngest ‘un is sick!
What to do?
Being your second wife, she deserved to have the father of the baby to come around and bring her to clinic for treatment. Unless, you think…(let's not go into that one now).
Being a man, who faced the dilemma of going home to either your first wife (who is older in terms of ‘history together’, physically less attractive relative to the younger& newer wife (masih bergetah kata orang), emotionally drain (although no fault of her) etc OR your second wife who is like a brand new toy – so much buttons to discover (hic!)…which one would you choose tonite? Hehehehe..no joke!
Kemampuan Berlaku adil
Is it possible for you to be fair & fully be responsible in both marriages given that:
a) You have 4 kids with the first wife & now saying you want only a kid with the second wife? Adil means equal on both sides!
b) You have take-home income of say, around RM1500 per month, is it enough to live comfortably in the city? Or are you going to be depended upon your wives’ (much higher - if you’re a lucky sod!) income to help support the household expenditure?
c) You still have few unsettled loans – study loan, personal loan, credit cards overdue….like ada hati nak tukar enjin kereta baru (Mitsubishi Evo fuhh!), latest gadgets/accessories esp handphone, laptop etc. Sorry beb, kok ada sape2 yang terasa
d) You still miss the obligatory prayers from time to time especially subuh, can you answer to that in the Hereafter? How about your responsibility of leading your one wife & kids to Jannah? Have them enjoy a better life (annual vacation asides from raya blk kpg holiday) in this worldly world?
e) You being the typically last-man-standing-Malay male who don’t even know to wash after your own cup & dish, or clean up after your own self – never help much around the house, not even looking after the crying baby while your wife is cooking, waking up in the middle of the night to change nappies or feeding your baby, after all that is what your wife are for right???? A personal mother-cleaner-helper all roll into one!
P/s: I just wrote whatever that I've in mind - I know a bit unstructure, berterabur. I can't wait for a book: 'Bahagiakan Dirimu dgn Satu Isteri' all the way from Indonesia! ;-)
Sunday, 15 November 2009
Whom I met during the recent 2 weeks 'study' leave...in October!
Alhamdulillah & thank you to all my friends – it was nice meeting you people:
The latest series of escapades started with me venturing out to Bukit Mertajam on my own and met a Datin who is really my new friend’s (friend of my friend - long story here) mother. Lucky I did my normal routine (especially when in doubt) of not addressing people directly in making small talks. Thus, “Apa khabar?” instead of “Apa khabar makcik?” I asked my friend (not the friend’s friend) regarding about the proper way of addressing her – actually we both had met her, the Datin, earlier in BBB. She told me to use kak, not datin nor makcik! And the husband as Tuan Haji. I’m not comfortable really in meeting titled or rich and famous people – call it reverse discrimination if you like! I know, they’re normal human being just like you & me but the pressure of knowing what to do and not to do in their presence….
Met my ex-primary school friend at my neighbour’s daughter’s wedding. I kind of already expected to see him and thus when I stayed back after the merenjis session to provide 'A free service by an amateur wedding photographer' (there’s a professional and paid one – a girl actually so I kinda stick around to check out her work hehehe and learn by imitation!) the groom mentioned about his brother who were around & thus I called him out and asked him to sit beside me. Ray (fuyoo! complete with coloured hair sebijik macam Along the money lender - not my eldest bro!) said, “Wah, rad (using my full name lah) dulu bukan main pemalu orangnya..”
Er, I remember hiding in the bathroom during an Eid visit by him and gang and later being teased mercilessly by my siblings. I can count using one hand how many times I brought home my friends to meet the family, even female ones.
On Saturday, R arranged for girly dates among her friends including me so I got to meet Sarah again (who is my friend now), Zura for the first time (our friendship starts from fb; she comes to Penang from time to time so…endless possibility!) and Suhana who was R’s ex-student. The topics of conversation range from somebody’s first time spa experience & comparison with Bangkok’s etc.; the Halal Development Corporations (HDC) – eh, halal ke makanan kat hotel tu? Where should HDC be put under - MITI?; how to apply GSTL and how it works; somebody’s NY trip; what a nice & crunchy popiahs (whether we should try the weird-sound choc-popiahs – what?); nasi campur yang tak sedap (my contribution) etc.
At the same time, finally, my other friend, Ifa, caught up with me (after a couple of missed calls) so I arranged to meet her and an old dear friend (L) and two other friends at her place immediately following the girly lunch. She (L not Ifa) asked for advices in doing PhD so I launched into my prepared speech with gusto which cover everything from relationship with supervisors and ‘previous hot gossips’ that is coming to the surface again; personal relationship and so forth which kinda not sit nicely with my friend (Ifa not L) who is also stuck in doing her phd on a part-time basis.
On Sunday, I went for visits at two of my sisters’ house. I brought along B for lunch at my eldest sister – her version of nasi ayam – as her way of saying thank you to B for putting up with me all this while. To be followed by a nasi minyak at B’s colleague wedding in Sendayan where I got to meet her ‘famous’ other colleagues; Hisham and Fadhil – rupa ada tapi mulut mcm puaka hehehe. Later that night, they all went out for bowling while I was stuck in the house concentrating on my thesis correction! What a price to pay for all the plays!
Last night, I joined B in meeting up our ex-secondary school mates, P, A, W.Setan & wife. I told B that I wanted to prove to myself especially that going out with male friends is a normal process instead of making it special occasion like dating he-who-shall-not-be-named-here. Obviously the 3 guys have heard about me being ‘makwe’ (Euwwwww!!!!) of he-who-shall-not-be-named-here. I’ve nothing to hide so I told them that under normal circumstances (meaning if I wasn’t in pissed poor mood after the latest break-in-relationship) there’s no way I could have entertained him at all! But thanks to him, now I feel this need to shout out to people & get notice! The topics of conversation range from sailing experience, life on shipboard (can jog mah!), car-theft attempt by a car wash (Jet Steam Spa?) at Alamanda, catering business from Alor Star to KL, and mostly about night life in the boys’ hostel last time. Honestly, I didn’t know that they could cook roti canai, burger etc using electric iron! (they somehow used the washed cover of metal bin in place of a pan), ‘fly’, getting into the girls’ dormitory at night (cringe in horror!)l who’s getting suspended for what, mentioned names of few guys true colours like a supposed ‘imam’ who watched blue movies (horror!), homosexual activities (imagine a macho boy being ‘kena’ – why didn’t he simply kick him? Remained a mystery til now.), etc. It was like there was a whole and complete structure of a ‘shadow government’ running the welfare of the boys in making sure the whole process of bullying by the seniors, the business of making money – taking order/request for stolen girls’ panties (from the individual locker -for extra Umpph!- instead of those hanging out to dry) like RM2 for the top, RM5 for the bottom and added extra RM2 for used ones! – etc. To say that I was surprised (on finding out about all that now) was a bit too mild I guess! Even the wardens and head prefects were sorta in the know. All I could say was, when did you guys sleep or study then?
The latest series of escapades started with me venturing out to Bukit Mertajam on my own and met a Datin who is really my new friend’s (friend of my friend - long story here) mother. Lucky I did my normal routine (especially when in doubt) of not addressing people directly in making small talks. Thus, “Apa khabar?” instead of “Apa khabar makcik?” I asked my friend (not the friend’s friend) regarding about the proper way of addressing her – actually we both had met her, the Datin, earlier in BBB. She told me to use kak, not datin nor makcik! And the husband as Tuan Haji. I’m not comfortable really in meeting titled or rich and famous people – call it reverse discrimination if you like! I know, they’re normal human being just like you & me but the pressure of knowing what to do and not to do in their presence….
Met my ex-primary school friend at my neighbour’s daughter’s wedding. I kind of already expected to see him and thus when I stayed back after the merenjis session to provide 'A free service by an amateur wedding photographer' (there’s a professional and paid one – a girl actually so I kinda stick around to check out her work hehehe and learn by imitation!) the groom mentioned about his brother who were around & thus I called him out and asked him to sit beside me. Ray (fuyoo! complete with coloured hair sebijik macam Along the money lender - not my eldest bro!) said, “Wah, rad (using my full name lah) dulu bukan main pemalu orangnya..”
Er, I remember hiding in the bathroom during an Eid visit by him and gang and later being teased mercilessly by my siblings. I can count using one hand how many times I brought home my friends to meet the family, even female ones.
On Saturday, R arranged for girly dates among her friends including me so I got to meet Sarah again (who is my friend now), Zura for the first time (our friendship starts from fb; she comes to Penang from time to time so…endless possibility!) and Suhana who was R’s ex-student. The topics of conversation range from somebody’s first time spa experience & comparison with Bangkok’s etc.; the Halal Development Corporations (HDC) – eh, halal ke makanan kat hotel tu? Where should HDC be put under - MITI?; how to apply GSTL and how it works; somebody’s NY trip; what a nice & crunchy popiahs (whether we should try the weird-sound choc-popiahs – what?); nasi campur yang tak sedap (my contribution) etc.
At the same time, finally, my other friend, Ifa, caught up with me (after a couple of missed calls) so I arranged to meet her and an old dear friend (L) and two other friends at her place immediately following the girly lunch. She (L not Ifa) asked for advices in doing PhD so I launched into my prepared speech with gusto which cover everything from relationship with supervisors and ‘previous hot gossips’ that is coming to the surface again; personal relationship and so forth which kinda not sit nicely with my friend (Ifa not L) who is also stuck in doing her phd on a part-time basis.
On Sunday, I went for visits at two of my sisters’ house. I brought along B for lunch at my eldest sister – her version of nasi ayam – as her way of saying thank you to B for putting up with me all this while. To be followed by a nasi minyak at B’s colleague wedding in Sendayan where I got to meet her ‘famous’ other colleagues; Hisham and Fadhil – rupa ada tapi mulut mcm puaka hehehe. Later that night, they all went out for bowling while I was stuck in the house concentrating on my thesis correction! What a price to pay for all the plays!
Last night, I joined B in meeting up our ex-secondary school mates, P, A, W.Setan & wife. I told B that I wanted to prove to myself especially that going out with male friends is a normal process instead of making it special occasion like dating he-who-shall-not-be-named-here. Obviously the 3 guys have heard about me being ‘makwe’ (Euwwwww!!!!) of he-who-shall-not-be-named-here. I’ve nothing to hide so I told them that under normal circumstances (meaning if I wasn’t in pissed poor mood after the latest break-in-relationship) there’s no way I could have entertained him at all! But thanks to him, now I feel this need to shout out to people & get notice! The topics of conversation range from sailing experience, life on shipboard (can jog mah!), car-theft attempt by a car wash (Jet Steam Spa?) at Alamanda, catering business from Alor Star to KL, and mostly about night life in the boys’ hostel last time. Honestly, I didn’t know that they could cook roti canai, burger etc using electric iron! (they somehow used the washed cover of metal bin in place of a pan), ‘fly’, getting into the girls’ dormitory at night (cringe in horror!)l who’s getting suspended for what, mentioned names of few guys true colours like a supposed ‘imam’ who watched blue movies (horror!), homosexual activities (imagine a macho boy being ‘kena’ – why didn’t he simply kick him? Remained a mystery til now.), etc. It was like there was a whole and complete structure of a ‘shadow government’ running the welfare of the boys in making sure the whole process of bullying by the seniors, the business of making money – taking order/request for stolen girls’ panties (from the individual locker -for extra Umpph!- instead of those hanging out to dry) like RM2 for the top, RM5 for the bottom and added extra RM2 for used ones! – etc. To say that I was surprised (on finding out about all that now) was a bit too mild I guess! Even the wardens and head prefects were sorta in the know. All I could say was, when did you guys sleep or study then?
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
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