Syyy....

Alhamdulillah -

Glory be to Allah, All Praise is for Allah, There is No God but Allah, Allah is the Greatest!

I never thought - especially recently - that I am going to share this news: ...my baby is progressing well MasyaAllah.

Just when I thought of the feeling of despairs when I was kind of being diagnosed as infertile - with a very small probability of getting pregnant. Indeed, what I experience today was a proof of the power of believing in Allah the Most Merciful, Ar-Rahim......

I am beyond words when I saw that tiny heart beating.. it is a miracle of God! 

Please continue to pray for me & my baby...

Why I shall not lead..

On Saturday, my boss emailed me - asking me to go to a meeting on his behalf, at the Ministry on Tuesday - today. After checking my schedule (now is a busy three week for everyone around) and re-shuffled duties with my colleague, I said yes. He replied to his boss's secretary's email to put forward my name. Attendee(s) of the meeting is supposed to fill up a reply form.

On Monday late afternoon, I was waiting for some info - should I make my own travel arrangement? Is there anyone else going with me from other departments? The bigger boss's secretary didn't reply till today. I dropped in my boss's office to ask about the arrangement - 1. You can ask my secretary to help you - which she (temporary replacement) knows nothing about! 2. You ask either this person or that person who is in-charge of account & claims ...but they said it was already late! Almost 4pm & I was heading to another meeting elsewhere.

I am not manja or gedik but in my opinion, when you ask your subordinate to go to outside meeting in your place, you should have facilitate the process. For info, not everyone has a secretary.

Upon reaching home, I wasted no time & search for suitable flight. As a responsible government servant, I feel obliged to choose a cheaper flight ...instead of the national carrier which I could have booked cheaper too if only much earlier booking. Booked & checked-in immediately. Based on past experience, as recent as new year holiday weekend, I can use mobile boarding pass both in Pen & Kul.

Morning 6:30am: Upon reaching the entrance for domestic departure, I was told that I need to get the boarding pass printed - OMG! Lucky that I was there with extra budgeted time...  ran to the self-check in kiosk was at the opposite end of domestic departure. Since I already checked-in, thus after looking around & trying unsuccessfully... a staff came by & told me you need to go to counter 52 to get it printed. While at the counter, the guy explained that it is new airport requirement - sigh! I did asked him nicely- Could you please print the return journey's pass too? "Nope! You have to do it in Kul."

Landed on time, 8:10am, ran to the taxi counter & somehow made it there at 5 minutes past 9am - meeting not yet started!

However, most shockingly, the meeting/briefing ended around 9:45am! Yes, I came all the way from Pen for a 40 minute briefing. There was a guy from Ganu - who came while we were all enjoying our plate of nasi lemak - nicely plated. And a couple more strolled in much later than that... sigh! And my new found friend said this is typical of this department/ministry!

By quarter minute past 10am, I was already waiting for my taxi - managed to call & meet-greet an alevel friend.

By 5 minute past 11am, I was in mits*i - what to do, my return flight was scheduled at 1:30pm so I had ample time.

By 12pm, I was on the shuttle bas heading to klia2 and arrived 10 minutes after.

Had a much needed coffee @kluangstn but the aglio olio was tasteless!

I headed to departure level by 12:40pm.

Here was when the adrenaline pumping & prayer started.

Headed to info counter - was told I needed to print the boarding pass. "You can try the 2 kiosk next to the escalator." Another girl was there - been trying & failed to print. I tried both units & error message came out in one & another one - print a useless page.

Headed to info counter again - was told to go to counter 16.

Headed (started running now) to counter 16 - people queuing - I saw a service counter on the left side & jumped queue - was told off but I explained my urgency! The foreign ladies understand - I'm sorry & thank you very much. The guy said you need to pay at counter 16.

Move queue to counter 16. I explained to the couple in front of me - they understand & allow me to jump queue but the lady at the counter said, "No, I'm still processing theirs!" The clock is ticking..boarding time was 12:50pm. A very 'nice' young Chinese Malaysian gentlemen asked me - "Are you in the queue?" Well yes but.. I agitated... still standing next to the couple in front of the counter. "Then, you should move to - indicate here with hand - behind them in the queue." I was stupefied! I know what I did was wrong - in terms of cutting queue but I already explained to the person in front of me, NOT the one at the back???

Finally, after loooong wait (Rabbi yassir...on loop while looking at hp clock) it was my turn & the girl said, "No need to pay. I can print for you BUT no guarantee that you can catch the flight!" OMG!!! Thank you3x... & that was my gun shot to start running!

Reached the entrance to domestic departure (thank God, no queue here) - at the security scanning area, I explained my scenario to one of the security ladies - no help, there were 2 long queues... my heart already beating too fast & mind already thinking of how am I to pay & claim for a new tix.. then a new queue open up & I was 1st in line! "Oh, no worries gate J10 is just nearby." It was already past 1:10pm - gate closed.

If you have been to klia2,  you know it could have been much worst than gate J10! But still I had to run and pray and run faster (I was tiring by now - I remember saying this earlier, jangan saya mati sakit jantung kejar flight sudah!).

End of experience: I sweating profusely but I made it - Alhamdulillah, never to repeat again!

Why I shall not lead? ... to be continued insya-Allah.

1st...10th year of blogging or not-

I first wrote in my earlier blog in July 2006.

I was in my 3rd year of P*D study and already moved out of on-campus accommodation with both 'diploma & degree', i.e. after a  FT  6 years stay.

I moved to a shop-lot unit shared with 2 other peoples who come and go until mid 2008.
Came to Penang on 30 January 2009.

So what's new for 2016?
I've done my 1st snorkeling in Kr*bi (14-17 February ladies' trip) and gone horribly sea-sick afterwards.

I can take care of mak for 5 continuous weeks from Dec 2015- Jan 2016, all by myself. It was a daily struggle to make sure breakfast and lunch were ready before I went to office and still maintain normal office hours and only going out on weekends - girls day out - no cooking!

Now that my mak is with my siblings in N9, I really struggle to wake up early for qiam, cooking tapau lunch and reach the office early. I'm becoming lazier day by day......

I have a adopted a stray cat as my 'anak bulu'. Even my mak said, 'Anak kau tu...' (Your son..) when talking about K*Puteh.

Now that I'm appealing to go for hajj for this coming hajj season, mak is already worried over who's taking care of him. I left him at the boarding for long Xmas break (Sunday to Sunday), out station workshop (Sunday to Thursday) and Kr*bi holiday (Saturday to Wednesday). Upon reaching home, he slept next to me at nights and even licked my hair and kneaded my back/neck and whatever upon his reach. With his long claws!!

Basically, I have all that I want in life and nothing more.. I'm happy indeed!

Oh, w.r.t. power struggle at the office - I was unofficially one of the deputies for only about 1 week. I was nominated & I kindly rejected through email but still called for meeting to discuss on Thursday. I said my reasons, like do appoint others more senior academics but none of the person approached by the dean were willing to accept the position and there were others who are more than interested but not approach at all for some reasons or others.

My mistakes were in going around asking opinion of others (selected people) on whether to accept or to reject. So, one person who wasn't in the know now came to know and told me why would you want to do this petty jobs who eventually  talked to the dean to appoint another person of his choice instead.

So, by the following Wednesday, I received an urgent call for meeting from the D*an's office. Knowing that there was already a scheduled meeting later in the afternoon, it was the signal to me of what was to come...

I am ok really, I didn't want the position and I only accepted it for reasons related to the school, not personal. However, it was kinda awkward to come to meeting and people congratulated me ...sorry, you're only 15 minutes too late! Hahaha

Now, I have received another appointment letter, this time around however, no money/allowance involved so I guess nobody wants it too. Let's see whether the following 22 months is enough to prove them wrong!

Post-40th birthday trip

On Tuesday, December 22nd, I had my long last dream of getting into the water in Pantai Cenang, from about 5pm until before 7pm - happiness overloaded! Basically I just stayed 'floating' by planting my feet on the seabed with seawater level up to my waist high only hahahaha... There were others too but it was not crowded at all..given the vast stretch of the beach - Mat Salleh's nenek in bikini with her adult cucu, 2 lovely Minah Salleh ladies also in bikini, they all stayed for short period in the water; groups of Malay families - couple with 2 boys and another chap with his son. He noticed that I stayed long in the water - initiated the conversation, sharing where he came from & even told me about his house in Seremban, next to the surau in white fence wall - after I told him that I'm from Penang but originally from N9. The wife was too tired after shopping at Kuah. Paraglide offer at only RM60 - normally RM80, with insurance coverage too! If you are scared, can go tandem with the instructor.
On the return flight, I sat next to one Bengali guy on my RHS - he reeked of alcohol and told me later he stayed late until 2am with 2 Spanish ladies but he didn't sleep with them even if they asked him to. We got to talk and he is a hotel manager (co-partners with Malays) in KT, Brickfield & the latest Pantai Cenang which has just open last week. He talked about his lost love, a Malay lady named Su/Zu something. He kinda regretted not marrying her. She got married 1st, then him. But she came back to him after that which led to her getting divorced. Eventually she got married again, he is separated/divorced from his wife and now found a new partner and they still keeping in touch with each other over the years. His reason of not marrying her - being an eldest son, the tradition of carrying the family's name and it would broke his parents' heart. He is so comfortable with Malay culture and Islam and everything. And he is comfortable talking to me too - being an open person. He told me  she took care of him whenever he came to Sabak Bernam, even her mak accepted him like an adopted son - on her passing away, it caused an uproar when he joined the burial ceremony at the graveside but her brother took his side by explaining to the neighbours - he's like a son to the mother! Every morning, she even prepared his milk drink as well as place for his prayer - just like a Muslim - I guess they co-habited early on...He told me, now that his son has a Chinese girlfriend  - he won't stand between their happiness. His eldest daughter already married with lavish ceremony - Samy V*llu is family friend, Sh*hrizat also came  and few others ministers. She is already a Director at such a young age at a private university college in KL.
He still keep in touch with the ex-wife and take good care of her. I asked - he also provided well for his current partner, not thinking of marriage but in case of anything happen, she is well provided for. She is now resigned to the fact - no kids for them. And his children are now accepting his partner too.
On Saturday, December 26th, I 'floated' on Mi*mi Beach, Bt Feringghi - I noticed the sand (more like small pebbles) wasn't as soft and fine as Cenang Beach, with murky water, and stronger waves. Given that only me and my nephew were in the water, it was just a short session indeed - the rest of the family were having a breakfast picnic under the tree shade.
Overall, 2 nights in Lkw, 1 night in CH and followed by trip back to Pen - it was tiring indeed but I would do it all over again for mak! She mentioned her last trip to Lkw was before I started secondary school - some 28 years ago! - and her last flight was for umrah back in 2004.

Shopping spree at Lkw in 3D/2N

1. Cost of Return Flights with Fir*fly =RM?
Going with 6kg & returning with 22kg. Luckily, we checked in groups of 5: thus out of 100kg, 50kg for us two - my roomate had 28kg (beg beranak plus 2 wrapped bundles - RM12 per wrapping - not for luggage bags since it might break under pressure)
Note: budget extra time before boarding due to long queue at luggage check-in. We depart at 1:59pm (on scheduled) and arrived before 2:30pm (no extra charge for car rental).

2. Accommodation= Gr*nd Cont*nental - an old one but ok lah since I'm not paying

3. Car rental (Saga -huge boot) =RM50 per day; RM100 until Sunday, 1pm

4. Day 1: Check-in & tea time (replacing lunch)

1st shopping tour 4-6:30pm: Ram-HIG-I.Suri (closed)
Basically similar prices for items like chocolates (Hersheys, Ritters, Whittakers, Daim etc. - i bought only imported ones), Corelle and Corningwares, Tefal etc. - coz according to the saleperson, from the same suppliers! The only differences might be in terms of available stocks and design and what's is on offer, or with discounts.
Take note, chocolates on offer - check out the expiry date, usually nor so far away!

Day 2:
K*lim Mangrove Tour including hotel transfer and boat-guide: RM350 (max. 12 pax), so for 8 of us, RM44 each
Ready to swim attire (with change of clothes), sandals, drink & snack, garbage bag for community service next time

2nd shopping tour 2:30-: I.Suri-HIG-L.Saga-HIG kecil-L.Parade
I.Suri is more for beddings (bedsheets, comforter sets, towels - huge selection & in-house brands); extensive selective of Tefals,

3rd shopping tour 8:30am-12:30pm: along stretch of P.Cenang-HIG kecil-L.Saga-stretch of batik/silk/etc @Pekan Kuah-Ram-L.Parade
More expensive at P.Cenang (cotton shop and most things are in white & summery flower prints), even after discount. At Kuah, you can get the same item (beach attires) for much cheaper.
Korean silks, cotton silks, 5 pieces for each design are brought in.

Tak puas hati

1. There are only 3 of us working for this particular publication: Chief, Deputy & Publication - in that order.
I was in KL for 3 days workshop from Mon-Wed, previous 3 days in Langkawi for the weekend workshop. The Chief messaged - asking about a urgent web conference meeting to be scheduled on Thursday. By the time I relayed both me & Production agreement to meet on Thursday, it was already late afternoon. I asked the Production to book the meeting venue. She said, "You should have ask earlier, now I'm outside to pick up my kid." She's in Penang & I was in KL, but I was the one who made the call for booking room and arranged for laptop set-up. I came in the morning today and make arrangement for the drinks and snacks - I was famished with no time for breakfast. And then, we were having problem with the web conferencing - sharing screen, video, the web cam, the set up & the cable etc. She just stayed seated - not doing anything much to help. Oh, she take down some notes (list of numbers) for the meeting - not minutes.

And then I asked her again to send to me the articles one by one. She said, no! She'll send/receive in bulk  - the way she sent them to Publisher. I told her, I don't want to delay in writing up the editorial since it is difficult when I have to read all 6, 7 full articles in one go. She said, "No, you can send to me one-by-one." I remember having this conversation some time ago, and now I wonder no more. There were talk of difficulty to work with her upstairs - among my other colleagues.

And she has the cheek to ask both of us to listen to her at the end - wanting to help us to go for umrah or hajj by signing up for a scheme which I already heard before and not interested in.

The Chief asked for any gossips w.r.t. my love life. I told them, I simply have no time to think about it nowadays. What will be, will be... He said I need companionship but then I am not willing to sacrifice my freedom for simply any husband  - he has to be the right one for me.
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2. I love flying with the national carrier nowadays - especially for official trips. K.Shima advised to search for 1-way trip for cheaper tix. For KL bound, 12 & 14 is emergency exit, seat ABC then DEF from left to right/from tail side.

Mak

Mak is 79 yo this year.
She is at that stage where she becomes like a kid again.. and I'm the adult who look after her needs and wants. Except that when I was a kid, she told me to do something and I will simply follow her advice/lead. Now, I say something and she will say something else..

I tried to fulfill whatever she wants whenever I can ..but there are times when I need make a strong stand and simply say a harsh no!

Case in point - on Saturday afternoon, we were driving from S'ban to S.A, along with my sis#3 and her youngest daughter. She kept on complaining about the  hot son biting her skin, the glare from the sun in her eyes (we were heading north, the sun is right ahead of us).. I did offer her my other sunglasses -  no, won't do! She does has her own clip-on but it was in another bag at home (next time, I need to include in my list of reminders for her: medicine, hp and charger, towel etc.). I want her to stay comfortable during the drive, with leg room and everything but all she wants is to stay seat-belt free at the back! And there was I driving with the hot son biting my skin, the glare from the sun in my eyes..

On Sunday morning, we went to visit my late dad's niece who stay in  healthcare service (convalescent - another long story) in KL. My SIL was driving us, as such mak got to sit at the back with me as the co-pilot. Upon reaching home and the many bumps typical in housing areas, we hitted one loudly! Lucky I don't get to see the underside of the PKE... I wished now her understand why I wanted her to sit  in front passenger seat.

On the way heading back to S'ban, again she wanted to sit at the back. This time, with an additional 32" LCD tv along side my sis#3 and niece, both smaller in size - simply no space!

Another point - on Saturday, our journey to S'ban was delayed since my BIL#2 came back to take the rambutan -in season now, both yellow rambutan gading and rambutan batu in red - to be served at the raya open house. He did invited mak to join the open house in S'ban at his mosque - as organizer. So, mak been saying we need to come back early from SA in order to visit the open house 10-12pm on Sunday.

Back to Sunday morning, after a short trip to KPJ KL, we reach SA and leave again about 10am. She already said, "Will we arrive in time? All the food will be gone if we arrive late..." - mind you, we already had a heavy breakfast - bihun goreng, karipap and roti jala. Somewhere along the journey, she said, ""It's ok if we didn't go to the open house, after all..." So, I drove fast and by about 10 minutes past 11am, we were already at the traffic light junction going into the housing area. She was asking, "Where are we going now?"
I guess, by now, I was lucky that I really understand that she wanted to attend the open house party even if she kept saying it's ok if we didn't go...

I drove straight to the mosque - mind you, this is not my area, I might have visited once or twice in the past 10 years or so (last Eidul Adha when ayah was still around and more recent during Ramadhan, at night). So I reach the mosque - in sight - but not the entrance. There were other tents around - I wasn't too sure which direction to go to. My sis#3 or mak weren't helping ..I was kinda lost, and after calling my sis#4, went to her house and asked them all to transfer to her car and went ahead to the party without me!

Why am I so mad at the situation?
If you read my previous post - lawak bimbo moment - I need to be everything: the planner, the driver, the navigator, the secretary, the communicator, the listener to all grouses, the ATM and everything.

During recent Eid, I already told my siblings to take mak along during raya visits - but of course, she wanted to stay home and waited for her nephews and nieces came visitings instead. By the the time everyone is gone on the third day, she had only been to a neighbour's house. I remember before Ramadhan, she said that she had no opportunity to visit her parents' graves last year - off we went before Penang trip in June and before Eid, I already brought her to visit ayah's. So, on the 4th day, I took her to visit her parents' graves again. By this time, I was already on my 3rd day of fasting (replacement) and her 1st day day (6 days of sunnah Syawal). I knew I needed to bring her around visiting her sisters in Asahan and Bukit Jalur. I targetted on Sunday, 10th Syawal - when she would be celebrating raya puasa 6 by then! But, no  - she didn't want to visit her sis in BJ due to (...long story here). Off we go to her sis in Asahan, after farmers' market on Sunday morning. First, she didn't like my attire -I was wearing t-shirt and pants and it was raya *gulp!!*! Second, why was I still fasting!!! I told her, it's ok  -I'm used to fasting and still making round, visitings during Eid like last time. But, but she said, you are not eating! I said, "Mak, not a problem lah... I can still drive and talk like normal..." She wanted me to follow her in fasting but I had a lot of things to consider myself - need to finish replacing those missing fasts before I was back in office - insert reasons here.

All in all, I am very happy to fulfill her wishes, she got to spend 2 weeks of Ramadhan in Penang with me, 1 week in S'ban staying with my sis#3, sis#4 and bro#1 and got to see sis#1 and sis#5. Visited bro#3 in between Pen-S'ban. Brought her shopping in Pen, S'ban (Fami.ly Store and Gi.ants a couple of time), Sepang for kerepeks and Nilai 3 for mats and also at hometown.

The recent weekend visit can be considered as a closure to Syawal  - met her future granddaughter-in-law *Ib.an!! Mak, she is a Muslim, her parents are Muslim!!* at my sis#3, then bro#3 in SA, backed to open house party with sis#4 and not forgetting sis#1's place for lunch. Now, she has those lovely memories to entertain her until I'm back again for Eidul Adha insya-Allah.

P/s: Another short, long story - during rinsing the rambutans (ants, lotsa them) on Saturday, mak lost her gold ring. She told me once we were on our way to S'ban. No wonder, she was getting in and out of her rooms before the journey. By Monday morning, after looking inside and outside drain, everywhere for it, she thought of searching the ground where we put all the dry leaves to rot. After only 1 poking around, there it was, shining yellow! She said, "Alhamdulillah... punca rezeki  yang halal mesti tak ke mana!" If tak jumpa, "Redha je lah, takde rezeki..." By the time I reach ukm office yesterday, I got the news that she lost her gigi palsu! Mak-mak... sabar je lah, she needs a caretaker now.

Alhamdulillah, I'm grateful for...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/30/new-years-resolution-weight-loss_n_6350210.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

Resolutions for 2014

1. Lose weight

Hah!  Maintained, must be due to build-up of muscles in my body..*ngeh2x*

2. Getting organized

I tried, I really tried...

3. Spend less, save more

I still spent and also save some at the same time, not necessarily more but should be enough I guess...

4. Enjoy life to the fullest

And no regrets!

5. Stay fit and healthy

I ran a total of 112km (8 events), compared to 72.84++km (also 8 events excluding hikings/climbing) in 2013 and even much lower, only 19.5km, when I first started back in 2012.

Nowadays, I went to the gym, make use of the treadmill at least a couple of times per week  (I am hitting the 8 min/km mark more often now. My next target is to run 8km under 1 hour). Twice on weekdays and once on weekends. Since there is no more aerobic session post-Ramadhan & the instructor is currently pregnant & I'm on sabbatical leave.

6. Learn something exciting

How to: I set up a business as a sole trader, later to be converted into a partnership. Current account, supplementary credit card, instant transfer, proxy, and so much more to come! And to trust a stranger, literally...

7. Quit smoking

Not applicable to moi!

But, I do need to get a regular health screening for blood pressure and cholesterol. And switch from diets to lifestyle change in terms of my calories intake.

8. Help others in their dreams

My students are important to me - I would willingly do anything *subject to reasons; excluding spoon-feeding them* to help encourage them to pursue their dreams... of getting a first degree! Especially, in Economics!

I visited Orang Asli place in July for community work, and orphanage in October - both in Kelantan - Gua Musang & Gerik respectively. I wish I could do more!

9. Fall in love

More like, I fall out of love. But it's ok, really... I'm doing ok now. Redha & pasrah.

There are offers of matchmaking from different intermediaries, perhaps after I completed my sabbatical leave *take a break* I would really sit down and consider them.

10. Spend more time with family

Just had our now annual family holidays. Instead of going to the East Coast as planned, we had to switch to Northern region again due to the massive flooding. Alhamdulillah we made the right decision not to continue as planned even if mak really wanted to go to East Coast.

Timing suck literally, since year end holidays from X-mas til New Year. But, the main driver insisted on that available date. 

I was in-charged of 12 people (now I know my humble abode can fit in at most 12/13 people by utilising all available space); a homestay in Perlis promised Wifi (very important selection criteria) but sadly it didn't work; separate shower and toilet are sufficient to cover for 12 people provided some wake up early hahaha!; even if we are not cooking but availability of working kitchen or at least a microwave oven is a must! For reheating foods & leftovers; basically home-cooked is preferred choice given that one leans towards Nasi Kandar Line Clear, another don't want! One leans towards nasi campur, another don't want rice! Aiyaiyai.... 

And visiting Penang Hill after lunch on a public holiday again? Never, ever! Long queue to buy the tickets, then long queue for the train & 'free' group photo opp, after a 5 minutes or so ride, a quick look around the crowded place, another long queue to go down! We were so lucky - it wasn't raining throughout the long wait. Oh, that 'free' group photo waited for you right outside the exit from the train on top - at RM35 per basic piece! They will try to sell you a different cover at a higher price, give you discount if only you buy 3 copies at RM90!

We went to Padang Besar (again for mak, but new for the some of us); they mentioned about wanting to go to Bukit Kayu Hitam la, Wang Klian la.. but my Perlis friend as well as colleagues also said sufficient with visiting PB only since all places are for shopping! Brooches (from Korea), Narita toto, kacang2, fridge magnets, tomyam paste, all from/represent Thailand! I bought 2 skirts! 

Dinner at Restoren Nelayan, Kuala Perlis. Too bad, it was raining cats and dogs so we had to tapao foods and while waiting, the restaurant's worker was shoving water into the drainage. Similar situation at the 24hr convienience shop in the middle of  the town.

Breakfast at the Al Sagoff stall by the roadside -very recommended! You got everything under one roof from nasi kandar, nasi kerabu/dagang, nasi lemak, roti canai, kuih-muih including cheese cakes! Wow-wow!

Again, visited rumah kelahiran Tun Dr M, open at 10am - no need to come so early. And Pekan Rabu, currently moved to Ukir Mall. Bought soya sauce (er?), kuih loyang (since everyone loved the ones that I have at home, given by k.Bibah), fridge magnet, ikan pekasam (the best!), kain batik tak licin punya from Terengganu (RM18 each), kuah rojak Mak Bee etc.

No need to rush back so we drove thru the countryside - by the padi field - wonderful! Someone was brave enough to ask permission to stop by the roadside to take photos & it was granted - surprise! 

Lunch back in Penang, Chinese Muslim food - fantastic! In celebration of my b-day but I suspected only one person appreciated that fact since everyone was hungry by then. Should have ordered the signature lamb dish!

Juz 7

Mak la.. not me but *hungheadinshame* Typical of me, I have the know-how now but always find excuses not to read the verses. Even 110 verses of a surah takes me days!

Mak had a disadvantage childhood (at least to me). She did not went to formal school at all. She did learn how to read the Q*ran a bit but then she got married at the age of 14, moved places (S*ngapore, Cam*ron,  hometown & then a totally new settlement area) and went on to have 9+2 children. I guess, the emphasized back then was to be a good housewife, a mother and so much more. It wasn't helping that the societal leaning was more towards the much loved sons instead of daughters... but I heard stories - my maternal granddad was the best!

When I talked to her yesterday, she explained her feeling of being reluctant to leave home for  more than a couple of days. She is really looking forward to attend the daily session with the ustazah and later on each day practicing by herself using the digital version. She said, definitely will  have a pulut kuning moment to signify the completion of 30 juzuks! May Allah grants her wishes and give her ample time in this world to achieve it & blessed her with the rewards in the hereafter, insyaAllah and amin.

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My first sewage bill arrived yesterday. RM8 per month???! That is more than double the amount I pay for water supply, i.e. RM5 (minumum rate) for every 2 month.
____

A reminder of how small is this world: a long, long time ago, somebody wrote an email to me about applying for an academic position in my institution. I replied by saying sorry but sorry there was no vacancies. But I did told him other avenues to try... lo and behold, today I met him for breakfast to welcome him as my new colleague (in another department).
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I am sending material (with sample) for K'tan *wow!* to be sewn into raya kurung. Yes, it is still far ahead (not really if you are kind of forward thinking person like me) but then my hometown tailor who took more than 6 months to finish my last order had change her 'job' and no longer taking any orders. The other that I tried - not comfortable enough. The one that I have nearby at work place already stop taking orders even after much persuasion...at least I managed to squeeze in 3 pairs hehehe... She is complaining of getting sleepy every time she started to sew.. I guess, it is kind of a boring job, being alone at home, and as we get older, need to strain our eyes too. Even her husband is not helping, "How much more kurungs will be enough?" Haha! I guess... I always need one more pair of kurungs.. and the next one! What I did was...usually I did not come visit her empty handed, I brought her something like snacks, some home-baked choc cake and at one time, even roti canai telur! With the hope enough to sustain her for a long period to come.
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Missing him. I do. I am angry too. I'm too old to play these games. How I wish to simply stop counting the days, erased memory of everything and never to cry again.

Today is the day..

..only that it wasn't meant to be!

I planned to *cheekily* propose to him to marry me!

The perasan-bagus-alim-maksum-hypocrite-rad has come to terms with the concept of 'letting go and moving on.."

Count my blessings for the day..

The day started early with an incoming message's beep from an unknown number. Which made me almost dropped everything pronto & thought of him! "Just think of you. I thought to send you a very good morning sms. Good morning."

You - who?

He is a very good young foreign friend of mine, we met during a local conference back in 2009. I felt so easy talking to him about stuff. He is excellent academically too, way ahead of me! He said, "You came to my thought when I wake up..." Maybe my aching heart is emitting a distress call.. *yeah, dream on!*
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An ex-collegemate who is now a mature student at my work place, around for a tw0-weeks course, messaged just to say thank you and goodbye. Such a simple act of kindness which reminds me of him - that him mentioned earlier - how could this guy looked upon my 'mulut bertih macam jagung' kindly as opposed to him? He noted at the same time how unsocial I was and still am..how ironic, don't you think?
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I love teaching..face to face! Especially when the students are ready to learn..
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A young friend said I'm stingy - just because I made & brought to office for lunch - macaroni & cheese straight from the tin! Should I explain everything again? I don't like eating nasi campur for lunch; I prefer meals such as fried rice instead but the cafe closest to office don't do much justice in terms of fried rice - I cooked a mean nasi goreng if I so myself but there are days I'm tired of my own cooking...going out much further for lunch is simply too time consuming & took too much efforts - making the appointment, waiting for people, deciding what to eat etc. etc. And at the end of the day, I'm not saving much at the end of the month - which only show that my money is being siphon elsewhere...hmmmm!
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The apartment will be ready by year end, insyaAllah. I need to start looking for interior design ideas, theme colours, best bargains, home appliances etc. all within my meagre budget!

Rajuk yang tak terpujuk!

Actually, there are 3 different scenarios that happened since Sept/Oct last year. One involving a very good female friend of mine, another one is about my eldest sister and the third one is the one that I really need and want to share for now, for the obvious reason - it's beyond salvageable..

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If you ever wonder & ask me, why the so-called 'volatile relationship' doesn't exist anymore, here is the utmost reason why:

I was caught red-handed! (Ops, kantoi!!)
I wasn't being honest.
I lied to him.

Instead of going to bed early as I already told him (since I'll be driving back to my hometown very early the next morning), I was out partying like mad with my bevy of male admirers till the early hours of the morning! Shish.....

Shame on me huh?

And I had the cheek to say, "Heyy..I did nothing wrong!!"

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P/s: Please read between the lines..haha!

20120112

1. I'm not born to be a leader. I have taken all sort of personality tests back in Form 4 and as recent as in December last year, both concurred with the fact that I hate being put in a leadership position. I hate managing people, trying to second guess everyone's thoughts, visioning for the future of the organisation/club or whatever - it's simply not me. What a bonus to have a deputy who works well with you, but she's leaving soon.. *gasp!* And if a certain committee member kept on mentioning about how busy she is...well, don't wait for almost a year of her doing almost nothing only to receive the letter of resignation today... A good leader should be able to act fast, decisive & spot on! Need to look for a replacement next...

2. I have been asked again.. to join 1) a long-term research cluster in the organisation; 2) co-researcher with a friend cum colleague from another. Fact, I have yet to establish myself in my own niche! After much consideration and some persuasion from concerned colleague(s), I had declined from (1) even if my heart yearn to travel to the exotic location all over Malaysia! Reason being the person who is inviting me (thank you very much!) had the reputation of jumping ship at the critical hour! I'm working hard to understand no (2) but eventually I have to start somewhere...

3. A closed friend mentioned this in passing w.r.t. matter of the heart, 'Rad, did you notice the same pattern? This is similar to what has happened before....they just kept quite.." I guess, I wonder no more - something is wrong with me.. Well, I wish nothing but the best for you - O Married Ones! *cue in background music - Adxle's Somxone Likx Yox* And from watching Ombxk Rindx, "..redha itu ikhlas, sedangkan pasrah itu menyerah!"

4. I have been summoned to court again for speeding - the second summons within 6-months! For a mere extra 13 kmph!! Kinda regret my conversion to PKE when I had been lucky in the past two year or so travelling between North and South with my trusty MAV! Tell me, how could I not push the pedal when you're travelling on the hiway, the coast is clear, and all the other Beemers, Mercs and even Kancil zooming past? Tsk-tsk....but then again, I don't another accident to happen!

5. This is my conclusion from #3: Communication, Commitment, Confidence, Compromise.
Relationship between two people need a strong foundation build from easy camaraderie, no misunderstanding, acceptance to commit to the future (even just for a glimmer of hope & tiny expectation!), confidence with oneself (please do not ever mention my hard-earned 'fxcking PhD' (his words) AND later how unsuitable we are in one sentence) as well as respect that each of us come with baggages in tow! We failed in terms of communicating effectively and all of the above but I still like you, you know!

K.I.S.S

1. A new colleague approached me, saying that her husband knew me (we have met a couple of times at international conferences) & described me as 'a person with ceria face & big eyes'! Thank you. You simply made my day!

2. I received an award (at departmental level) at work place. It was based on overall job performance for last year - only those with 85% or more marks. The person who sat next to me also received the same award. She said, "After 20 years of working, now only I received this award..." Only silence from moi since (I started back in Nov 2009 so..) it has been only 1 year or so for me! Patut rasa bersalah kah? But, but there are those who received it almost annually!

3. Somebody is having a similar weird situation as mine. We both deal with people (students, colleagues, etc.) in our line of duty. Must we pretend ignorance when we met face to face when there are other people around? But continue messaging & phone calls (for lucky some!) or emails which more or less refer to personal stuff & beyond our call of duties? I saw sparks flying here & there!! I do worry about her though.. since he's obviously taken!

4. I asked a certain newly wedded person, "How's the baby making business?" Of course, I meant to ask whether there is any reasons for the Big Family to celebrate! She said, "Kau tak tau ke? Sakittt la!" Ops!! T.M.I again *sigh*

5. Life is good, alhamdulillah. I have some good days & some bad days but pretty much nothing to complaint about! Like someone said, I have 'rupa tak kurang, belajar tinggi & I bet good income'... if only less fussy, and no more 'ramaiiiiiii kawan lelaki (inc. ex-es) keliling pinggang! *sigh*

Infatuation..

...was short-lived. Don't ask me further. I had just calmed down from my beyond mad moment hahaha..*and i feel really stupid too, major stupido!*

And this stupid neighbour who live on top floor (above me - 3 storeys flat) need to really learn some communal living etiquette like kalau nak tumbuk sambal tu (helllooooo!!! Never heard of blender kerr??) using mortar & pestle on a cement floor pandai2lah alas dengan kain or suratkhabar tebal!!! Your pounding are literally hard-knocks upon my head - arghhhhhHH!!!

They like me...they don't like me!

1. Not everyone likes me, obviously.

I was having an early dinner with a colleague just now. She was having one of those ‘need a shoulder to cry on’ moments. Me being me, before she can actually get to her actual reasons to (so-called) cry, I was already bombarding her with all the things that actually bothered me today like the fact that I noticed this one particular colleague who totally ignored me when we’re on a colliding path, around noon, & I was smiling and ready to exchange pleasantries like, “Where are you going?” Or maybe, “Out early for lunch eh?”

She. Just. Ignored. me.

And, it wasn’t for the first time either. She is the same person who actually looked down on me (and said it out loud during a committee meeting which I was invited for & kind of forcefully agreed to volunteer) just because I am a junior. She is also among those in the mailing list of those not-happy-why-the-juniors-are-getting-the-same-salary-scale with our newly minted phds while they have been ‘slaving for years, started with nothings’ just to get the seniority.

My friend was saying, “Nah, I don’t notice anything different. Maybe you are thinking too much of it….”

After we’re done with our dinner, we make way to the car. From quite a distance, I noticed her car coming in our direction and my mind immediately thought, “Panjang umur dia ni..” And I was smiling too!

She lowered her window pane & just talked to the friend behind me without even a glance to me!

I can take it. Not everyone likes me, you see. I can live with it.

But, you’re making it difficult for me to like you either. At the current work place which I intend to serve quite for long, I only ignore ONE person. He broke my trust in him when he proposed marriage…I try very hard not to hate him. It’s not just because he’s married either. I have a very strong feeling that he wanted to take advantage of ‘the situation’ – that is all to it!

2. Two faces.

Did I mention about my confirmation interview last month? Well, I thought it went quite smoothly – well enough, considering the fact that I have no new publication for last year. I faced a panel consisting of one external professor, the big boss, one of his/her deputies, an internal assoc. professor and two ‘gatekeepers’. I was really scared of the external professor since he’s in my immediate field of research and he can easily make life difficult for me as he had that kind of reputation you know! Surprisingly, he’s ok – in fact, he is the one who emphasized that the thesis is MY work and thus should have MY name in front! And not the other way around, even after I explained that ‘supervision culture’ in other places are different..while the deputy dean (who acted as my team leader for all group activities that we did together last years) was the one who highlighted the fact that maybe I was spending too much time on doing all the other stuff and thus less publication. The big boss then said, “If we confirm you now, meaning.. are you going to work less?” To which I answered cleverly (even if I said so myself), “I do things because I want to do it. If I don’t want to do it, nobody can force me to do it..” (a couple of examples come to mind here but let’s not go into that now)

The internal professor was smiling (oh, I had already an informal discussion during lunch with him, impromptu) and asked the expected questions – no surprise here.

What surprise me today is to actually found out that he is not happy with me since I was getting a better appraisal marks (Alhamdulillah 88.2 for last year) than him! He, who published THREE papers, while I was involved (and headed one) in numerous activities to get other people to publish, presented a collaborative paper in Seoul, taught three courses (forget about the no. of students hahaha), took photos (need to mention this since our annual report used at least 5 photos taken by me, a mentor for a community project, went back to my alma mater for a career talk (this come under community work), my work with one of the ministries from time to time, the (appointed but worked voluntarily) staff welfare committee as well volunteered for the botanical garden’s club activities, represent the varsity (Hello! Aerobic squad!) etc. etc.. Of course, those are the small things that matters and they did add up nicely even if I scored less for publications (more weight!). Is he saying, those appraisal marks appear just out of nowhere? Puhleeezzzzzzz…… oh, another thing is I went to quite a number of training programme for the whole of last year too!

Two faces. I can live with this too.

3. He is just too cute.

There is this new ruling with regards to buying car in our country. Unless you’re paying in full cash (are you nuts?), you need to get the loan approved, the car is in stock and then only you pay a maximum of 1% of booking fee. I went to the showroom last Thursday to have a look at all the models (I already knew what I’m getting with my ‘minuscule budget’ – definitely NOT what I want though..), filled in the loan application form and sort of illegally paid the booking fee (to lock in the car for me coz I want a ready stock, couldn’t wait for August for the next batch).

The loan was approved earlier in the morning today. Had to rush to prepare the bank draft for the down payment (15% instead of 10% so that I get a 2K rebate instead of 1.5K discount plus some amount of free maintenance) and went to sign the loan agreement and everything later in the afternoon.

I hope he’s not distracted by the big, red pimple under my nose (fave spot to appear – must be a choked up nerve there). Must remember to wear something nice tomorrow. And remember my rehearsed script too, “Have you had your breakfast?” Wait. For his response. My next line, “I haven’t had my breakfast yet…” Wait. Again. Let him leads…if he’s interested la! But, he is just too cute. And young huhuhu… Must keep my silent. Intrigue him. (God, this is so difficult!)

According to both friends that accompanied me during the first visit, he was quite taken aback when I informed the bank officer (sitting together with all of us at the table) of my single status. And he's been avoiding looking at me too, said friends who were busy texting each other about me & him. Oh, there's hope yet!