1. Not everyone likes me, obviously.
I was having an early dinner with a colleague just now. She was having one of those ‘need a shoulder to cry on’ moments. Me being me, before she can actually get to her actual reasons to (so-called) cry, I was already bombarding her with all the things that actually bothered me today like the fact that I noticed this one particular colleague who totally ignored me when we’re on a colliding path, around noon, & I was smiling and ready to exchange pleasantries like, “Where are you going?” Or maybe, “Out early for lunch eh?”
She. Just. Ignored. me.
And, it wasn’t for the first time either. She is the same person who actually looked down on me (and said it out loud during a committee meeting which I was invited for & kind of forcefully agreed to volunteer) just because I am a junior. She is also among those in the mailing list of those not-happy-why-the-juniors-are-getting-the-same-salary-scale with our newly minted phds while they have been ‘slaving for years, started with nothings’ just to get the seniority.
My friend was saying, “Nah, I don’t notice anything different. Maybe you are thinking too much of it….”
After we’re done with our dinner, we make way to the car. From quite a distance, I noticed her car coming in our direction and my mind immediately thought, “Panjang umur dia ni..” And I was smiling too!
She lowered her window pane & just talked to the friend behind me without even a glance to me!
I can take it. Not everyone likes me, you see. I can live with it.
But, you’re making it difficult for me to like you either. At the current work place which I intend to serve quite for long, I only ignore ONE person. He broke my trust in him when he proposed marriage…I try very hard not to hate him. It’s not just because he’s married either. I have a very strong feeling that he wanted to take advantage of ‘the situation’ – that is all to it!
2. Two faces.
Did I mention about my confirmation interview last month? Well, I thought it went quite smoothly – well enough, considering the fact that I have no new publication for last year. I faced a panel consisting of one external professor, the big boss, one of his/her deputies, an internal assoc. professor and two ‘gatekeepers’. I was really scared of the external professor since he’s in my immediate field of research and he can easily make life difficult for me as he had that kind of reputation you know! Surprisingly, he’s ok – in fact, he is the one who emphasized that the thesis is MY work and thus should have MY name in front! And not the other way around, even after I explained that ‘supervision culture’ in other places are different..while the deputy dean (who acted as my team leader for all group activities that we did together last years) was the one who highlighted the fact that maybe I was spending too much time on doing all the other stuff and thus less publication. The big boss then said, “If we confirm you now, meaning.. are you going to work less?” To which I answered cleverly (even if I said so myself), “I do things because I want to do it. If I don’t want to do it, nobody can force me to do it..” (a couple of examples come to mind here but let’s not go into that now)
The internal professor was smiling (oh, I had already an informal discussion during lunch with him, impromptu) and asked the expected questions – no surprise here.
What surprise me today is to actually found out that he is not happy with me since I was getting a better appraisal marks (Alhamdulillah 88.2 for last year) than him! He, who published THREE papers, while I was involved (and headed one) in numerous activities to get other people to publish, presented a collaborative paper in Seoul, taught three courses (forget about the no. of students hahaha), took photos (need to mention this since our annual report used at least 5 photos taken by me, a mentor for a community project, went back to my alma mater for a career talk (this come under community work), my work with one of the ministries from time to time, the (appointed but worked voluntarily) staff welfare committee as well volunteered for the botanical garden’s club activities, represent the varsity (Hello! Aerobic squad!) etc. etc.. Of course, those are the small things that matters and they did add up nicely even if I scored less for publications (more weight!). Is he saying, those appraisal marks appear just out of nowhere? Puhleeezzzzzzz…… oh, another thing is I went to quite a number of training programme for the whole of last year too!
Two faces. I can live with this too.
3. He is just too cute.
There is this new ruling with regards to buying car in our country. Unless you’re paying in full cash (are you nuts?), you need to get the loan approved, the car is in stock and then only you pay a maximum of 1% of booking fee. I went to the showroom last Thursday to have a look at all the models (I already knew what I’m getting with my ‘minuscule budget’ – definitely NOT what I want though..), filled in the loan application form and sort of illegally paid the booking fee (to lock in the car for me coz I want a ready stock, couldn’t wait for August for the next batch).
The loan was approved earlier in the morning today. Had to rush to prepare the bank draft for the down payment (15% instead of 10% so that I get a 2K rebate instead of 1.5K discount plus some amount of free maintenance) and went to sign the loan agreement and everything later in the afternoon.
I hope he’s not distracted by the big, red pimple under my nose (fave spot to appear – must be a choked up nerve there). Must remember to wear something nice tomorrow. And remember my rehearsed script too, “Have you had your breakfast?” Wait. For his response. My next line, “I haven’t had my breakfast yet…” Wait. Again. Let him leads…if he’s interested la! But, he is just too cute. And young huhuhu… Must keep my silent. Intrigue him. (God, this is so difficult!)
According to both friends that accompanied me during the first visit, he was quite taken aback when I informed the bank officer (sitting together with all of us at the table) of my single status. And he's been avoiding looking at me too, said friends who were busy texting each other about me & him. Oh, there's hope yet!
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