20150603

On saying 'I love you':

'But it's often the first step to turning a relationship from casual to serious. You might be thinking it's turning into a long-term thing, but they're stuck at having fun and what you're interpreting as reciprocal romantic feelings might well be affectionate friendship.'

Tracey adds: 'The only way to find out is to tell them how you feel - but it is always a risk.

'The "I told you not to", probably came from someone who'd made it clear to the person that they weren't interested in a relationship. (When someone says they aren't interested, they're not. Take them at their word!)

'Yes, the responses are cutting but I still believe you're much better off letting your feelings be known and suffering the (usually brief) humiliation and pain than keeping them bottled up.'

Tracey explains: 'At least you know where you stand and can move on to loving someone who is able to love you back in the way you want to be loved.

'Remember, for every person who has been humiliated, there are another ten who got greeted with an enormous smile and hug and 'Oh my god, I love you too'. You choose the wrong person to say it to, that's all.

'If it's happened to you, pat yourself on the back for being brave enough to say it and for finding out NOW that it's not reciprocated. There is nothing more futile than continuing to love someone who is never going to love you back.'

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3107431/Scorned-sweethearts-reveal-humiliating-reactions-received-telling-love-you.html#ixzz3bxbpKIIi
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I was asked by sis#4 to help send my niece for her admission interview at the nearby campus - I took the opportunity to bring along mak for jalan-jalan.
Made the arrangement with my SIL and then only informed my bro - as a courtesy. Surpringly, he thanked me for the effort and joined in the plan to bring mak for jalan-jalan, literally.

The Interview
The letter that called her for interview stated the time as 2pm. We got there - my bro send us - before 2pm. She met her friend - so no problem at all - I left her with promise to pick her up later.

The actual interview started around 2:45pm, a set of 3 interviewees faced a panel of interviewers with a time limit of 20 minutes. Of course, everyone got excited in the earlier parts and this extend the session a little bit and it continued on... by the time, my niece (4th set) was called upon, it was already after 4pm and quickly upon finishing she called me - it was 4:25pm ...Later, she told me her friend finished her interview session after 6pm!

Which bring my attention to what happened last Thursday & Friday, the same interview process here in my alma mater. For 2 days, morning & afternoon parallel sessions, about 400 candidates  & only half of that will be offer placement. There were those who came from near and far..and there was this pakcik who came to accompany his son/daughter and already bought the return bus tix for departure at 4:30pm and at 4pm - his son wasn't even called for interview yet!
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Back to my mak...
So, after my niece had her interview done & over with, my bro brought us to P*trajaya with the intention to visit the F*oria - out of curiosity I search in Fb and it seemed that we were too early - by one week! At the same time, there were Y*outh Festival going on too and road closure here and there. Basically, we were going round and round (men being men *sigh*) in P*trajaya! We stopped at the mosque for Maghrib prayer then walked downstairs to the Souq.

TBC..

Match-maker report #1

A colleague of mine is looking for a suitable candidate for her daughter, 30 yo. During one of those lunch at pantry, she mentioned this in front of others including my single neighbour but no response from him.

During one of the talk that I attended at this side of the world (where I am based now), I came across a guy - much junior, he is 32 yo - we have met a couple of times before during workshops as he is a friend of a friend (but not really my friend, more like an acquaintance). Given that there was some confusion w.r.t. to access to the venue, we got to talk while walking around the building and eventually sat down next to each other - since I know no one else there..

What we got to talk about? Well, the fact that he is still single and looking ...and me being kind, elder-sisterly and friendly, I shared my experience about guys & dating - at least from female's point of view. Like my last match-make date, the guy didn't even ask for exchange of phone numbers! He said, "I already asked for your number!"
 Indeed, he did... but much junior, remember?

After a couple of days meeting him, I thought of doing everyone a favour - put those two together - the mom looking for a guy for her daughter and him being single and all that. I contacted my colleague - she agreed. I contacted him - he agreed too, after which I asked him to think about it for 3 days (& nights of prayers) - after all he is quite a religious person.

When I called him again to pursue the matter, he told me this story:
Basically he got to know one of his students' elder sister on Fb. She is a lawyer, tall (one of his criteria) and from nearby (same home state). They were friends - got closer on Fb, never declared anything yet. Then, one day recently they got to talk about the age difference of a couple of years - 2 years if I'm mistaken - and settling down. He asked for some time to think about it... At the same he had a trip to a neighbouring country. After about 2 weeks to 1 month, he came back and his family and friends are all saying yes & the parents are ready to visit the family of the girl. But sadly, he was 15-minutes too late - he received her wedding invitation instead!

It seems that she asked him about the issue before hand due to a wedding proposal received by her parents who then said, if she got no one else or a boyfriend, why not settled down with this proposal guy - who is a son of a family friend or something. Given that no news for quite some time from him (my unlucky male friend), she felt that she had no other options other than to accept the proposal for marriage! That guy, the one who proposed, knew how lucky he is to get her thus the wedding was arranged within such a short period of  - a month! My friend was heart-broken...

Well, I'm now in a difficult place - I already arranged for exchange of photos between him and the mother of the girl as well as the girl's phone number. I told him, just go to the wedding and don't forget to bring a wedding gift or something - you are not meant to be with her, just wish her the best and move on lah...

Until today, I have yet to ask him on his moves - Did he contact the girl? ...and I'm scared - what if the mother ask me?

Count my blessings..

During long lunch break today, Ss, Nr & me went to visit kak Mz. She was part of my phd buddies during the 'long gestation period' in u*m (even if she was not actually registered in our faculty). On recent Wednesday, Ss passed the shocking news that Mz's hubby passed away last Tuesday - it was so unexpected! He was driving to work, perhaps had some sort of a sudden heart attack (no earlier history) and crashed onto a street light upon merging into the main traffic at highway.

And she was crying while we're listening to her immediate experience upon getting that phone call! She told us the importance of not locking our phone, in her hubby's case, lucky he brought along another phone from which the passerby used to make calls to the kids (based on call history: those two in school - not picking up - no hp in school even, then the one in college). Then her only son - the one in college- called her (who was driving to work in another direction) & said only that the father has had an accident and the ambulance was on the way. In actual fact, the father passed away immediately upon impact - total loss/damage to the car.

According to her, he was a very good son (taking care of his mother who lives together with them) & a loving husband as well as doting father to their 4 kids. The good ones are usually taken early... I remembered the story that she told us a long, long time ago (seems to me like that), how sweet their early relationship was.. she had many admirers but he was the brave one, thus they got married while still studying in US. In particular, since she was petite while he was considered huge, he used to carry her literally!

I feel her loss...to a certain extent, I can only imagine...

Whom I met during the recent 2 weeks 'study' leave...in October!

Alhamdulillah & thank you to all my friends – it was nice meeting you people:

The latest series of escapades started with me venturing out to Bukit Mertajam on my own and met a Datin who is really my new friend’s (friend of my friend - long story here) mother. Lucky I did my normal routine (especially when in doubt) of not addressing people directly in making small talks. Thus, “Apa khabar?” instead of “Apa khabar makcik?” I asked my friend (not the friend’s friend) regarding about the proper way of addressing her – actually we both had met her, the Datin, earlier in BBB. She told me to use kak, not datin nor makcik! And the husband as Tuan Haji. I’m not comfortable really in meeting titled or rich and famous people – call it reverse discrimination if you like! I know, they’re normal human being just like you & me but the pressure of knowing what to do and not to do in their presence….

Met my ex-primary school friend at my neighbour’s daughter’s wedding. I kind of already expected to see him and thus when I stayed back after the merenjis session to provide 'A free service by an amateur wedding photographer' (there’s a professional and paid one – a girl actually so I kinda stick around to check out her work hehehe and learn by imitation!) the groom mentioned about his brother who were around & thus I called him out and asked him to sit beside me. Ray (fuyoo! complete with coloured hair sebijik macam Along the money lender - not my eldest bro!) said, “Wah, rad (using my full name lah) dulu bukan main pemalu orangnya..”
Er, I remember hiding in the bathroom during an Eid visit by him and gang and later being teased mercilessly by my siblings. I can count using one hand how many times I brought home my friends to meet the family, even female ones.

On Saturday, R arranged for girly dates among her friends including me so I got to meet Sarah again (who is my friend now), Zura for the first time (our friendship starts from fb; she comes to Penang from time to time so…endless possibility!) and Suhana who was R’s ex-student. The topics of conversation range from somebody’s first time spa experience & comparison with Bangkok’s etc.; the Halal Development Corporations (HDC) – eh, halal ke makanan kat hotel tu? Where should HDC be put under - MITI?; how to apply GSTL and how it works; somebody’s NY trip; what a nice & crunchy popiahs (whether we should try the weird-sound choc-popiahs – what?); nasi campur yang tak sedap (my contribution) etc.

At the same time, finally, my other friend, Ifa, caught up with me (after a couple of missed calls) so I arranged to meet her and an old dear friend (L) and two other friends at her place immediately following the girly lunch. She (L not Ifa) asked for advices in doing PhD so I launched into my prepared speech with gusto which cover everything from relationship with supervisors and ‘previous hot gossips’ that is coming to the surface again; personal relationship and so forth which kinda not sit nicely with my friend (Ifa not L) who is also stuck in doing her phd on a part-time basis.

On Sunday, I went for visits at two of my sisters’ house. I brought along B for lunch at my eldest sister – her version of nasi ayam – as her way of saying thank you to B for putting up with me all this while. To be followed by a nasi minyak at B’s colleague wedding in Sendayan where I got to meet her ‘famous’ other colleagues; Hisham and Fadhil – rupa ada tapi mulut mcm puaka hehehe. Later that night, they all went out for bowling while I was stuck in the house concentrating on my thesis correction! What a price to pay for all the plays!

Last night, I joined B in meeting up our ex-secondary school mates, P, A, W.Setan & wife. I told B that I wanted to prove to myself especially that going out with male friends is a normal process instead of making it special occasion like dating he-who-shall-not-be-named-here. Obviously the 3 guys have heard about me being ‘makwe’ (Euwwwww!!!!) of he-who-shall-not-be-named-here. I’ve nothing to hide so I told them that under normal circumstances (meaning if I wasn’t in pissed poor mood after the latest break-in-relationship) there’s no way I could have entertained him at all! But thanks to him, now I feel this need to shout out to people & get notice! The topics of conversation range from sailing experience, life on shipboard (can jog mah!), car-theft attempt by a car wash (Jet Steam Spa?) at Alamanda, catering business from Alor Star to KL, and mostly about night life in the boys’ hostel last time. Honestly, I didn’t know that they could cook roti canai, burger etc using electric iron! (they somehow used the washed cover of metal bin in place of a pan), ‘fly’, getting into the girls’ dormitory at night (cringe in horror!)l who’s getting suspended for what, mentioned names of few guys true colours like a supposed ‘imam’ who watched blue movies (horror!), homosexual activities (imagine a macho boy being ‘kena’ – why didn’t he simply kick him? Remained a mystery til now.), etc. It was like there was a whole and complete structure of a ‘shadow government’ running the welfare of the boys in making sure the whole process of bullying by the seniors, the business of making money – taking order/request for stolen girls’ panties (from the individual locker -for extra Umpph!- instead of those hanging out to dry) like RM2 for the top, RM5 for the bottom and added extra RM2 for used ones! – etc. To say that I was surprised (on finding out about all that now) was a bit too mild I guess! Even the wardens and head prefects were sorta in the know. All I could say was, when did you guys sleep or study then?