I first wrote in my earlier blog in July 2006.
I was in my 3rd year of P*D study and already moved out of on-campus accommodation with both 'diploma & degree', i.e. after a FT 6 years stay.
I moved to a shop-lot unit shared with 2 other peoples who come and go until mid 2008.
Came to Penang on 30 January 2009.
So what's new for 2016?
I've done my 1st snorkeling in Kr*bi (14-17 February ladies' trip) and gone horribly sea-sick afterwards.
I can take care of mak for 5 continuous weeks from Dec 2015- Jan 2016, all by myself. It was a daily struggle to make sure breakfast and lunch were ready before I went to office and still maintain normal office hours and only going out on weekends - girls day out - no cooking!
Now that my mak is with my siblings in N9, I really struggle to wake up early for qiam, cooking tapau lunch and reach the office early. I'm becoming lazier day by day......
I have a adopted a stray cat as my 'anak bulu'. Even my mak said, 'Anak kau tu...' (Your son..) when talking about K*Puteh.
Now that I'm appealing to go for hajj for this coming hajj season, mak is already worried over who's taking care of him. I left him at the boarding for long Xmas break (Sunday to Sunday), out station workshop (Sunday to Thursday) and Kr*bi holiday (Saturday to Wednesday). Upon reaching home, he slept next to me at nights and even licked my hair and kneaded my back/neck and whatever upon his reach. With his long claws!!
Basically, I have all that I want in life and nothing more.. I'm happy indeed!
Oh, w.r.t. power struggle at the office - I was unofficially one of the deputies for only about 1 week. I was nominated & I kindly rejected through email but still called for meeting to discuss on Thursday. I said my reasons, like do appoint others more senior academics but none of the person approached by the dean were willing to accept the position and there were others who are more than interested but not approach at all for some reasons or others.
My mistakes were in going around asking opinion of others (selected people) on whether to accept or to reject. So, one person who wasn't in the know now came to know and told me why would you want to do this petty jobs who eventually talked to the dean to appoint another person of his choice instead.
So, by the following Wednesday, I received an urgent call for meeting from the D*an's office. Knowing that there was already a scheduled meeting later in the afternoon, it was the signal to me of what was to come...
I am ok really, I didn't want the position and I only accepted it for reasons related to the school, not personal. However, it was kinda awkward to come to meeting and people congratulated me ...sorry, you're only 15 minutes too late! Hahaha
Now, I have received another appointment letter, this time around however, no money/allowance involved so I guess nobody wants it too. Let's see whether the following 22 months is enough to prove them wrong!
Showing posts with label Academic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Academic. Show all posts
Saturday, 12 March 2016
Thursday, 5 April 2012
10 weeks..
Monday, April 2nd - It was that time of the year again. We took the time and had come (two busses) all the way by boat for lunch at the J-Island Resort when it was announced that it was also a certificate presentation ceremony for HOD's Award for last year performance. My marks were a bit lower compared to the one for 2010 - I'm still thankful given that I had nothing published last year - but I still get recognised for the menial (however petty) works that I have done. Almost all of my colleagues whether academic or support staff got the same recognition too. Mind you, all that we got was just a certificate - not even boxed set of pens like last year.
But someone did not get the recognition. Maybe the way our performance being measured are biased to a certain extent depending upon who were the assessors. The 1st assessor for my section gave everyone a high mark! So it was really not a true measure of our relative performance..
At the varsity level, those top 12 performers from each department were treated to a special lunch as well as RM1000 each! However, those 12 was split into two - half quotas for academic and support staff respectively. For the support staff, everyone was of the mutual understanding that just wait for your turn (seniority or something), eventually you will get it! But for the academics, it is a totally different games altogether....I know some got it because they really deserved it, one got it again after almost 20 years *sigh* but then there are those...
Another thing worth mentioning here, last time the varsity used to give these top performers a pay rise (gaji naik menegak instead of the annual horizontal increase)!
My point of contention is why that person who-did-not-get-recognised shamelessly said this to my face: "Alah...setakat jadi AJK itu-ini pun boleh dapat cemerlang..."
At least, I still did my part - contributed to the school right?
All I know now, avoid her, ignore her - for my peace of mind!
Since I'm grumbling my dissatisfaction here, might as well include others whom I need to be alert to too:
1. There is this one particular guy, who is head of one of the varsity's Islamic club. There is this one other guy who is his deputy who is very much involved in giving talks on religious issues as well as others. On April 26th, one of my colleague's 18 yo son passed away - he had heart problem, doctor told the family that he had only a 6 seconds chance to be saved if ever he had a heart attack again. He went swimming with friends and were found almost drown in the water. All of us played a role in giving out moral supports from the hospital's morgue up to the burial ceremony. This guy (that i mentioned earlier) felt the need to told me (as chair of staff welfare club) what to do next - arrange for a special prayer session blablabla....when arrangement was already being made upon suggestion by others. But when it came to appointing the imam to lead the prayers, he said he got something else to do! So, the second guy came to the rescue... Funny thing is, he was still around during the prayer session! I had the impression, given that this is not the first time this thing happened, I definitely need to be careful around him....It took one other person last time to point out that I, as the conference secretary, was doing his treasurer's job!! And on the 3rd day of the conference, he simply excused himself from attending the closing ceremony and stay in the hotel for no obvious reasons at all...
2. This other person is supposedly a good friend of mine. I know, we have to accept everyone's quirks and everything but I find it hard to accept her behaviours when she pressured me for information about others and at the same time question why I am close with such-and-such, if a certain person is with me, she don't want to be around etc. which is basically putting me between a rock and a hard place! Yes, she is much senior than me, but does she need to always look down upon me? As if whatever she's doing is important but not mine? She had the cheek to say that the conference that I helped to organize last year of no quality!!! Damn!!! Didn't she know the amount of efforts that went into it? Obviously not...*sigh*
Moral of the story here, being assertive is way much different from being aggressive! And I very much suspected that she falls into the second category while I definitely need to up my assertiveness! Try not to be a pushover rad!
3. Ten weeks refer to the time it took to heal a broken heart - NOT!! I'm simply counting the days....I admit, I miss him very much! There wasn't a day that goes by where I didn't think of him..a quick glance at the building where he works is sufficient to put me in a melancholic mood. But at the end of the day, do remember rad, he dumped you!!! Remember what he said, after all the explanation, "..we're done, ..things are not meant to be.. and I don't want to see you anymore."
What else for me to do? I have called, smsed and emailed him to explain what had happened but alas there wasn't any room for communication. Lesson learnt the hard way - I'm such a hypocrite, so full of righteousness, blablabla... thanks to him!
But I still 'like' you, do you know that? *cue music: I wish nothing but the best for you!" Do let me know when you finally meet that one-in-millions: An Honest Woman! *gasp!!!*
Funny eh? *my heart is not in synchronize with my head*
But someone did not get the recognition. Maybe the way our performance being measured are biased to a certain extent depending upon who were the assessors. The 1st assessor for my section gave everyone a high mark! So it was really not a true measure of our relative performance..
At the varsity level, those top 12 performers from each department were treated to a special lunch as well as RM1000 each! However, those 12 was split into two - half quotas for academic and support staff respectively. For the support staff, everyone was of the mutual understanding that just wait for your turn (seniority or something), eventually you will get it! But for the academics, it is a totally different games altogether....I know some got it because they really deserved it, one got it again after almost 20 years *sigh* but then there are those...
Another thing worth mentioning here, last time the varsity used to give these top performers a pay rise (gaji naik menegak instead of the annual horizontal increase)!
My point of contention is why that person who-did-not-get-recognised shamelessly said this to my face: "Alah...setakat jadi AJK itu-ini pun boleh dapat cemerlang..."
At least, I still did my part - contributed to the school right?
All I know now, avoid her, ignore her - for my peace of mind!
Since I'm grumbling my dissatisfaction here, might as well include others whom I need to be alert to too:
1. There is this one particular guy, who is head of one of the varsity's Islamic club. There is this one other guy who is his deputy who is very much involved in giving talks on religious issues as well as others. On April 26th, one of my colleague's 18 yo son passed away - he had heart problem, doctor told the family that he had only a 6 seconds chance to be saved if ever he had a heart attack again. He went swimming with friends and were found almost drown in the water. All of us played a role in giving out moral supports from the hospital's morgue up to the burial ceremony. This guy (that i mentioned earlier) felt the need to told me (as chair of staff welfare club) what to do next - arrange for a special prayer session blablabla....when arrangement was already being made upon suggestion by others. But when it came to appointing the imam to lead the prayers, he said he got something else to do! So, the second guy came to the rescue... Funny thing is, he was still around during the prayer session! I had the impression, given that this is not the first time this thing happened, I definitely need to be careful around him....It took one other person last time to point out that I, as the conference secretary, was doing his treasurer's job!! And on the 3rd day of the conference, he simply excused himself from attending the closing ceremony and stay in the hotel for no obvious reasons at all...
2. This other person is supposedly a good friend of mine. I know, we have to accept everyone's quirks and everything but I find it hard to accept her behaviours when she pressured me for information about others and at the same time question why I am close with such-and-such, if a certain person is with me, she don't want to be around etc. which is basically putting me between a rock and a hard place! Yes, she is much senior than me, but does she need to always look down upon me? As if whatever she's doing is important but not mine? She had the cheek to say that the conference that I helped to organize last year of no quality!!! Damn!!! Didn't she know the amount of efforts that went into it? Obviously not...*sigh*
Moral of the story here, being assertive is way much different from being aggressive! And I very much suspected that she falls into the second category while I definitely need to up my assertiveness! Try not to be a pushover rad!
3. Ten weeks refer to the time it took to heal a broken heart - NOT!! I'm simply counting the days....I admit, I miss him very much! There wasn't a day that goes by where I didn't think of him..a quick glance at the building where he works is sufficient to put me in a melancholic mood. But at the end of the day, do remember rad, he dumped you!!! Remember what he said, after all the explanation, "..we're done, ..things are not meant to be.. and I don't want to see you anymore."
What else for me to do? I have called, smsed and emailed him to explain what had happened but alas there wasn't any room for communication. Lesson learnt the hard way - I'm such a hypocrite, so full of righteousness, blablabla... thanks to him!
But I still 'like' you, do you know that? *cue music: I wish nothing but the best for you!" Do let me know when you finally meet that one-in-millions: An Honest Woman! *gasp!!!*
Funny eh? *my heart is not in synchronize with my head*
Thursday, 12 January 2012
20120112
1. I'm not born to be a leader. I have taken all sort of personality tests back in Form 4 and as recent as in December last year, both concurred with the fact that I hate being put in a leadership position. I hate managing people, trying to second guess everyone's thoughts, visioning for the future of the organisation/club or whatever - it's simply not me. What a bonus to have a deputy who works well with you, but she's leaving soon.. *gasp!* And if a certain committee member kept on mentioning about how busy she is...well, don't wait for almost a year of her doing almost nothing only to receive the letter of resignation today... A good leader should be able to act fast, decisive & spot on! Need to look for a replacement next...
2. I have been asked again.. to join 1) a long-term research cluster in the organisation; 2) co-researcher with a friend cum colleague from another. Fact, I have yet to establish myself in my own niche! After much consideration and some persuasion from concerned colleague(s), I had declined from (1) even if my heart yearn to travel to the exotic location all over Malaysia! Reason being the person who is inviting me (thank you very much!) had the reputation of jumping ship at the critical hour! I'm working hard to understand no (2) but eventually I have to start somewhere...
3. A closed friend mentioned this in passing w.r.t. matter of the heart, 'Rad, did you notice the same pattern? This is similar to what has happened before....they just kept quite.." I guess, I wonder no more - something is wrong with me.. Well, I wish nothing but the best for you - O Married Ones! *cue in background music - Adxle's Somxone Likx Yox* And from watching Ombxk Rindx, "..redha itu ikhlas, sedangkan pasrah itu menyerah!"
4. I have been summoned to court again for speeding - the second summons within 6-months! For a mere extra 13 kmph!! Kinda regret my conversion to PKE when I had been lucky in the past two year or so travelling between North and South with my trusty MAV! Tell me, how could I not push the pedal when you're travelling on the hiway, the coast is clear, and all the other Beemers, Mercs and even Kancil zooming past? Tsk-tsk....but then again, I don't another accident to happen!
5. This is my conclusion from #3: Communication, Commitment, Confidence, Compromise.
Relationship between two people need a strong foundation build from easy camaraderie, no misunderstanding, acceptance to commit to the future (even just for a glimmer of hope & tiny expectation!), confidence with oneself (please do not ever mention my hard-earned 'fxcking PhD' (his words) AND later how unsuitable we are in one sentence) as well as respect that each of us come with baggages in tow! We failed in terms of communicating effectively and all of the above but I still like you, you know!
2. I have been asked again.. to join 1) a long-term research cluster in the organisation; 2) co-researcher with a friend cum colleague from another. Fact, I have yet to establish myself in my own niche! After much consideration and some persuasion from concerned colleague(s), I had declined from (1) even if my heart yearn to travel to the exotic location all over Malaysia! Reason being the person who is inviting me (thank you very much!) had the reputation of jumping ship at the critical hour! I'm working hard to understand no (2) but eventually I have to start somewhere...
3. A closed friend mentioned this in passing w.r.t. matter of the heart, 'Rad, did you notice the same pattern? This is similar to what has happened before....they just kept quite.." I guess, I wonder no more - something is wrong with me.. Well, I wish nothing but the best for you - O Married Ones! *cue in background music - Adxle's Somxone Likx Yox* And from watching Ombxk Rindx, "..redha itu ikhlas, sedangkan pasrah itu menyerah!"
4. I have been summoned to court again for speeding - the second summons within 6-months! For a mere extra 13 kmph!! Kinda regret my conversion to PKE when I had been lucky in the past two year or so travelling between North and South with my trusty MAV! Tell me, how could I not push the pedal when you're travelling on the hiway, the coast is clear, and all the other Beemers, Mercs and even Kancil zooming past? Tsk-tsk....but then again, I don't another accident to happen!
5. This is my conclusion from #3: Communication, Commitment, Confidence, Compromise.
Relationship between two people need a strong foundation build from easy camaraderie, no misunderstanding, acceptance to commit to the future (even just for a glimmer of hope & tiny expectation!), confidence with oneself (please do not ever mention my hard-earned 'fxcking PhD' (his words) AND later how unsuitable we are in one sentence) as well as respect that each of us come with baggages in tow! We failed in terms of communicating effectively and all of the above but I still like you, you know!
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Things I learnt the hard way...
P/s: I just came back from work (yesterday I came back after 7:30pm) and dead-tired right now but there is a loud Parti Arak going-on downstairs so might as well utilized the time to unleash my thoughts.
1. Never, ever choose a date for an official function immediately after a long holiday break like the Annual Raya Exodus. Reasons being all the last minutes preparations (being a typical Malaysian institution & people with 'attitude' - Oh help me God!) will definitely interrupt your earlier well-planned trip back to hometown. And you worry about the actual turnout too since most people will be busy with their open house routine (not for moi! maybe next year) and another rounds of visiting relatives & friends on weekends. Festive seasons are not a good time to travel for the foreigners too.
2. Never, ever choose a 5-star hotel as the venue simply because, well, you just want to! Reasons being not everyone (paying participants) could afford it especially those coming from not so developed countries - even my room entitlement is insufficient to cover the most basic room - such that you worry about the event's account being in the red or black depending upon the number of participants which slowly trickling in and later they may decide to withdraw since not enough funding! *gasp!*
Best alternative, choose not the beach hotels but one closer to home so that you can commute daily & save money on committee members' accommodation.
3. Never, ever accept any invite to join a committee again without checking out the trustworthiness of the other members. Naive me was roped in only from the 3rd (or was it 4th) meeting to handle to most challenging assignment, if I said so myself, no wonder there was no takers earlier! And the person who roped me in, let us called him KA, was one who is clever enough to pass the baton, not only him but some cother members too, to unlucky moi! A classic example, I asked the person-in-charge of promotion to come out with a new brochure. This person, says F, then asked KA for the materials only for KA to ask me to instruct the next person on how to do it! There I was, thinking about a secretary job is about letters & minutes, only to end up sitting down with the graphic designer to come out eventually with the posters, brochures AND banners too! Have they no shame? Nahh!!!
4. Never, ever again agree to work with these people:
KA - as mentioned above; very good at delegating tasks (no in proper way)!
F - same, but at least he helped me by responding to my emails/BBMed/SMSes
N - she did almost nothing esp. those assigned to her! No wonder she wanted me in her sub-committee. But she did work with me to produce the full programme - by coming to my room.
F - she is senior but junior, we did help her to prepare the sponsorship letter, many rounds of emails & editing, still not settled due to her being away (good excuses but still not an excuse to release her one & only duty) and eventually managed to snare a sponsorship of........jeng3x.......
.. RM3K! (From hundreds of letters sent)
The Prof who said 'a person of his level don't play with a petty occasion such as ours' - he then said, "I know you can do all this, no need to put my name...blablabla" According to him, everything is simple & easy! And I ended up doing all his work - shame on me!
The Junior Officer who always said nothing much in minutes from the previous meeting, would manage to find reasons to come late or not coming at all & not contributing a thing - a mere notetaker. Very disappointing attitude...
5. Never, ever cross the boundary that defines colleagues VS friends. Should limit my fb interactions with those colleagues. Unless they are real friends. Reasons being:
a. 1 colleague is mad at him because I told him off, lazy! To cut short a long story, I lost 2 friends (ZZ too). I found out the hard way after layan-tak-layan phone calls etc. when he purposedly snub me at the corridor! He even went as far as looking the other way...huhuhu. During the recent eid, I asked for forgineness but he only replied to return my eid wishes. Same case as her.
b. Another colleague used me as her sounding board - at least that is how it feels to me. Asking me to come to her room & listen to her research activities. She refused to join in my committee (no hard feeling there)and then kept on saying she is busy - as if I'm not busy? And kept on harassing me over the minutiae fact that her name is still in the list! Hello there, I already help in so many ways to take that out but that thing is beyond my control - I'm simply not in charge!
c. Another colleague finds a new bestie - not moi. She asked me to come to her open house through her! She told her whenever she took leave & such. Last time, she used to share everything with me. (God, now I feel like back in primary school again)
5. Never, ever loose focus again: post-Sept 17, it's gonna be all research & publication insyaAllah. There are people who are just waiting for my downfall. But I have my trust in God....
1. Never, ever choose a date for an official function immediately after a long holiday break like the Annual Raya Exodus. Reasons being all the last minutes preparations (being a typical Malaysian institution & people with 'attitude' - Oh help me God!) will definitely interrupt your earlier well-planned trip back to hometown. And you worry about the actual turnout too since most people will be busy with their open house routine (not for moi! maybe next year) and another rounds of visiting relatives & friends on weekends. Festive seasons are not a good time to travel for the foreigners too.
2. Never, ever choose a 5-star hotel as the venue simply because, well, you just want to! Reasons being not everyone (paying participants) could afford it especially those coming from not so developed countries - even my room entitlement is insufficient to cover the most basic room - such that you worry about the event's account being in the red or black depending upon the number of participants which slowly trickling in and later they may decide to withdraw since not enough funding! *gasp!*
Best alternative, choose not the beach hotels but one closer to home so that you can commute daily & save money on committee members' accommodation.
3. Never, ever accept any invite to join a committee again without checking out the trustworthiness of the other members. Naive me was roped in only from the 3rd (or was it 4th) meeting to handle to most challenging assignment, if I said so myself, no wonder there was no takers earlier! And the person who roped me in, let us called him KA, was one who is clever enough to pass the baton, not only him but some cother members too, to unlucky moi! A classic example, I asked the person-in-charge of promotion to come out with a new brochure. This person, says F, then asked KA for the materials only for KA to ask me to instruct the next person on how to do it! There I was, thinking about a secretary job is about letters & minutes, only to end up sitting down with the graphic designer to come out eventually with the posters, brochures AND banners too! Have they no shame? Nahh!!!
4. Never, ever again agree to work with these people:
KA - as mentioned above; very good at delegating tasks (no in proper way)!
F - same, but at least he helped me by responding to my emails/BBMed/SMSes
N - she did almost nothing esp. those assigned to her! No wonder she wanted me in her sub-committee. But she did work with me to produce the full programme - by coming to my room.
F - she is senior but junior, we did help her to prepare the sponsorship letter, many rounds of emails & editing, still not settled due to her being away (good excuses but still not an excuse to release her one & only duty) and eventually managed to snare a sponsorship of........jeng3x.......
.. RM3K! (From hundreds of letters sent)
The Prof who said 'a person of his level don't play with a petty occasion such as ours' - he then said, "I know you can do all this, no need to put my name...blablabla" According to him, everything is simple & easy! And I ended up doing all his work - shame on me!
The Junior Officer who always said nothing much in minutes from the previous meeting, would manage to find reasons to come late or not coming at all & not contributing a thing - a mere notetaker. Very disappointing attitude...
5. Never, ever cross the boundary that defines colleagues VS friends. Should limit my fb interactions with those colleagues. Unless they are real friends. Reasons being:
a. 1 colleague is mad at him because I told him off, lazy! To cut short a long story, I lost 2 friends (ZZ too). I found out the hard way after layan-tak-layan phone calls etc. when he purposedly snub me at the corridor! He even went as far as looking the other way...huhuhu. During the recent eid, I asked for forgineness but he only replied to return my eid wishes. Same case as her.
b. Another colleague used me as her sounding board - at least that is how it feels to me. Asking me to come to her room & listen to her research activities. She refused to join in my committee (no hard feeling there)and then kept on saying she is busy - as if I'm not busy? And kept on harassing me over the minutiae fact that her name is still in the list! Hello there, I already help in so many ways to take that out but that thing is beyond my control - I'm simply not in charge!
c. Another colleague finds a new bestie - not moi. She asked me to come to her open house through her! She told her whenever she took leave & such. Last time, she used to share everything with me. (God, now I feel like back in primary school again)
5. Never, ever loose focus again: post-Sept 17, it's gonna be all research & publication insyaAllah. There are people who are just waiting for my downfall. But I have my trust in God....
Sunday, 2 May 2010
..hang out my shingle..NOT yet!
To those (in the same boat) who had followed my 'long-winded journey: 2003-2009, full of self-commenserating & whining blablabla', here is the new beginning!!! It could be yours too.
P/s: Door wide open for business consultation but not medical prescription hehe..
Sunday, 7 June 2009
What a small world indeed!
I was away for the past one whole week - to present ONLY one paper (kepoh je yang lebih!) at A Beach Resort with the Largest Pool area in the East Coast hehehe...(but lain2 perkara adalah hampeh - takde bintang langsung kot!)
So I had to give a rather important occasion a miss! That occasion marked the start of my new academic year as a 'teacher'.
Given the availability of free wifi @the conference venue, i took the opportunity to keep in touch with friends on fb (while attending the sessions)...imagine my surprise when a friend told me that somebody was looking for me in campus. Er, actually he first saw me in the students' directory. When finally we managed to get in touch:
"..saja drop by your office (after 14 years tak jumpa). You are NOT one of my teacher right?" *add a nervous laugh here*
Well, thank God - I'm NOT. I'm already nervous enough as it is...to start teaching again, mature students, in Malay some more etc. Now, add to that a familiar face? Kawan sepermainan dulu2? Ewwwwwww.....
BTW, another point worth mentioning is when I started my master programme (a long, long time ago) I was in the same cohort (for Micro class) with my ex-lecturer for one of my first year degree papers. Awkwardness ruled the days....but I felt deeply honoured to be in the same class with her - after all, she's one of the best! Sad to say, somehow she didn't quite manage to complete her DBA due to reasons *better leave unspoken*. I still admire her to this day!
So I had to give a rather important occasion a miss! That occasion marked the start of my new academic year as a 'teacher'.
Given the availability of free wifi @the conference venue, i took the opportunity to keep in touch with friends on fb (while attending the sessions)...imagine my surprise when a friend told me that somebody was looking for me in campus. Er, actually he first saw me in the students' directory. When finally we managed to get in touch:
"..saja drop by your office (after 14 years tak jumpa). You are NOT one of my teacher right?" *add a nervous laugh here*
Well, thank God - I'm NOT. I'm already nervous enough as it is...to start teaching again, mature students, in Malay some more etc. Now, add to that a familiar face? Kawan sepermainan dulu2? Ewwwwwww.....
BTW, another point worth mentioning is when I started my master programme (a long, long time ago) I was in the same cohort (for Micro class) with my ex-lecturer for one of my first year degree papers. Awkwardness ruled the days....but I felt deeply honoured to be in the same class with her - after all, she's one of the best! Sad to say, somehow she didn't quite manage to complete her DBA due to reasons *better leave unspoken*. I still admire her to this day!
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