I went out for a drink with a guy yesterday. He is sort of my colleague but not really a colleague -like same institution but different branches. He has been calling/smsing me for about a month now, asking me out for dinner, lunch & even breakfast – always with other reasons like he’s going to the library near my office, is the library open today (on a public holiday?) & such blablabla…Even though he’s approaching me for the obvious academic reason, some how I feel that is not the only reason why he keeps in touch with me – as was indirectly confirmed today (by his actions & talks).
The thing is, I don’t really feel like going out with him again. The only reason I did so today was that I’m not too sure what was his intention with regards to me – maybe mere colleagues? Being about the same age (he’s younger than me by a year but more senior in office), same qualifications (different field), single & looking for a serious relationship –we look like a perfect match!
But there’re these little things that annoy me. Things like snobbish attitude (e.g. when I suggested we go to the nearest café on campus (it's during office hour) & he said that was for those at technician level); cocksure attitude, showing off his new handphone (one of two; and said bad things about the one that I have), even his spec, hairstyle - are a big turn off! Not to mention a sign of a paunch! If you think that I’m only looking at the superficial side of him, how about this:
1. He’s staying with his parents.
2. He’s the eldest, with a younger bro & a sis. No kampung.
3. His mom still needs to remind him to take his vitamins every morning.
4. He’s not interested in anything that I’ve mentioned about my interests: going places, playing tourist & taking photos; exercising, big family/kids scares him, etc.
5. He has a tendency to be a road bully, I think.
Am I being picky, choosy here? (Do remember, at my age – a beggar cannot be chooser!)
But then, the guy that kept on coming up in my head as the basis for comparison is bald (half of the time I knew him, he had shaved his head), anak emak, also came with a lil’ paunch, and in contrast was totally not confident…
…so I guess my heart had been taken & no longer mine to give!
If only he (the latter) knew what he’s missing…
(I’m sure he’s happier now with his loved ones)
If only he knew how I miss him so…
(there are still times my tears drop when I think of him, which is quite often)
If only I can move on…
(oh come on rad, it has been more than a year now)
If only..
If and only if…
