Caveat: Ini adalah nota peribadi. Ditujukan khas utk 'single ladies' bagi dijadikan sempadan & utk teman2 yg sudah berbahagia dgn pilihan masing2 yang mungkin mahu membantu dalam matchmaking. "Tolong kami....bantu kami....." (insert b/ground music: lagu P.Ramlee)
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I hate to share this experience of mine. If I could turn back time, I simply want to erase the whole 22-day episodes & purge it all from my memory. But somehow there’s a lesson to be learn for you & me (Yo-yo! Singles United!). About ikhtiar, redha, tawakkal & yakin pada janji-janji Allah.
I met this guy thru fb – interesting eh? But really no surprise there. He was an exschoolmate of mine though we never talk to each other. He initiated the 1st contact but I was the one who started the chat. Being online made me more brave than ever in person (mistake #1). So the flirting begun… Looking back now, it looked like we simply hit on each other.
Being experienced in dating (bleh!) & past relationships, I thought I already cover all the bases – single status established thru direct enquiry plus discreet ‘investigative works’. One thing, he kept on reminding me not to share about our ‘relationship’ with my girlfriends (& guys) from the same school (mistake #2). I thought it was so sweet of him – maybe to surprise them later? On my part, since nothing might come out of this so ok lah…
From fb to phone calls, smses & chatting – I was being bombarded day & night with such lovely words – he called himself abg & me as syg…(ramai2 sila: Euwwww!!!) How he really like me since Form 1 (makcik caiiiirrrr sgt dah part ni – mistake #3). We made arrangement for a weekend date. Imagine – he traveled all the way to PP just to see moi!! (makcik lemah lutut! – mistake #4 – help him in making the arrangement. Dengan ini, saya bersungguh2 taubat daripada keluar dating dengan sebarang lelaki selepas ini. HARAM. No compromise.)
The nature of his work (lil’ spying/undercover work involved) & his extraordinary high amount of self-confidence applied to susceptible-moi through reverse psychology like telling me all his sad, sad stories of struggle in life (& how fortunate I am!), the bad things he did (drugs included) but he never, ever done a girl (not for the lack of trying) – all combined together to impress me - he did. He worked so hard to understand me & I was simply blown away (Er minah gersang kah? Mistake #5).
Luckily, I still have the presence of mind to refer to my ‘Ustazah’. Since we’ve discussed everything about marriage (and he wanted it to be soon, ASAP!) so I preferred to think of him meeting my ustazah as a test of his determination. I did groom him on what are the possible questions that she might asked, gave him background details of the family etc. including specifically not to smoke in front of her as she’s very particular. (Big mistake #6. Previously, I’ve this high standard for my future husband: He must be a non-smoker. Due to the pressure of getting married (the clock is ticking! He reminded me again & again – what a fool I am!) I let it lax…)
To smoke or not to smoke? It may seems a small thing in terms the general scheme of life decisions. Bear in mind, he smoke consistently in front of me even after I told him off. And he said only 2 ciggies a day?? Our religious scholars (Al-Azhar) had decreed smoking as haram due to the scientifically proven bad effects on health & also society in general. If he is not being responsible to himself (in terms of maintaining healthy body etc.) then could you imagine him being responsible to other people or any other aspect of life? (I rest my case NOW).
The meeting went well – so I thought…But the outcomes were: (the ustazah said) her husband couldn’t even give him a single mark as a potential husband material, the daughter (enuf) said, “Poyonya…bising2 je (as in byk cakap)” & the son said, “Tua lah..” In the middle of the meeting, (he was at the dinner table, enjoying bowl of mee kari) she suddenly asked, “Kau ni dah pernah kawin ke belum?” I was thinking, tak perlu lah soklan tu kan …. Of course, he straight away answered NO. On reflection, she said he started to sit sideways. And dah tak lalu makan. (Mistake #7: Should’ve learn how to detect when a person is lying). He also paid NO attention at all to the three kids present (ciri2 lelaki yg dah kawin – penat dah kot layan anak sendiri).
Post-meeting, we met again. He argued his case again for us to be married ASAP. I asked simply, “Ada duit ke nak kawin? Saya ni anak dara orang bukan janda wokeyy..” And, “ Ada duit ke nak bagi nafkah lepas kawin?” (FYI, he just started working under government with S*M qualification – not to undermine him but lets face reality, are we?) “So, tak payah ceritalah pasal kawin sekarang…” but lets plan for the future..
Back in PP, he kept messaging me – wanting to pinang me ASAP. (Previously, he kept inviting himself to my hometown to meet my mother – I said NO!) To cut short the story, the ustazah’s hubby asked for his address(es). Thus, when I asked him, he was taken by surprise, “Tak pernah abg kena investigate sampai macam ni…pelik la” then out came The Confession:
“sebenarnya, saya ni sudah berkahwin, mempunyai 4 org anak, seorang isteri berumur 32 tahun dan diorg menetap di melaka. berkahwin pd tahun 199*, 25 July”
And my calm reply:
Minta maaf byk2
rasanya saya dah jelaskan awal2 lagi
saya tak berminat dgn hak org
Mohon halallah segala makan minum & maaf utk segala silap & salah.
Tolong jgn hubungi saya lagi. Klu sekadar berkawan, cukup lah di fb.
The End.
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On my part, I’m really grateful to Allah – for saving me from making a fool of myself, to involve in a major catastrophe with dire consequences! Imagine, klu dah kawin baru tau? Mau pengsan mak di kampong. I feel bad as it is thinking of The Wife & 4 Kids…
Astaghfirullahal’azim….ampunkan saya Ya Allah! (telah bersedekah, sujud syukur & insyaAllah berpuasa seperti yg disarankan)
Take home lessons for today:
1. Jangan terdesak (desperado!) – kawin for the sake of kawin je.
2. Jangan membelakangkan keluarga & rakan yg telah lama kita kenal.
3. Jangan langgar perintah agama.
4. Yakinlah janji Allah: lelaki yg baik utk wanita yg baik. Klu tak di dunia mungkin di akhirat jodoh kita.
5. Ikhtiar dgn cara yg betul.
6. Berpegang teguh pada prinsip.
7. Saling ingat-mengingat sesama teman - ramai yg cuba ambil kesempatan
8. Learn from experience
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