What went well (1) today..

Masya Allah & alhamdulillah...
1. The end of tadarus went well, considering it was the first time we did it at the work place - more participants next year hopefully given that we prepared pack-food including trifle which I lovingly cooked yesterday haha..contributions by others - quite unexpected! As always, need to be prepared for the unexpected... have extra packs please next time &offer the opportunity to others too.

This is the procedure on how we did the khatam:
a) Read together (instead of one by one) so faster..
b) Started with Al Fatihah, followed by the 22 surahs from Ad Dhuha until An Nas, then Al Fatihah again and the 1st 5 verses of Al Baqarah (kinda come to a complete endless circle); interspersed in between with Lailahaillahu wallahuakbar..
c) Read the khatam ayat from Al Anfal, #?? 3 times
d) Recitation of dua' in Arab & Malay
e) Nasyid Kh*tam Quran
f) Shaking hands & lotsa hugs around

Stricter rules next time, finishing by 17th Ramadhan, follow-up more often!

2. Another PhD candidate no more...she graduated as in passed her viva today - also cemerlang alhamdulillah coz we shared the same supervisor & external examiner & she's given 3 months too (initially 1 month!) I'm so happy for her coz I felt guilty for not doing enough as I'm in her disertation committee..

3. What you give, you get back...I said nice things & he said it too - we're both busy working ppl!

4. I managed to remember & show my appreciation to those colleagues aka friends who always help me..by my cakes again!

5. When I kept on reminding myself always (esp. today) to do things for the sake of Allah, not for showing off to people, Allah opens the way in so many things....Allahuakbar!

6. True test of friendships..we are back on talking terms again alhamdulillah.. not as good as before but good enough for me..

7. I'm alive, I'm busy...thank you Allah.

Checklist of preparation for 1434H Eid!

1. To reach home @Nesmilan safely:
a) TnG reloaded to cover return journey as well as a second card for the Bridge/ as a spare too;
b) PKE sent for service already (30K service even if mileage of around 20K after 2 years..) included tyre rotation too since the front tyre on the passenger's side had punctured twice (all at Bali2)
c) To check for speed trap & whereabout of AES cameras!
d) Petrol full tank - checked

2. Attires
a) Prayer clothes - new from Vietnam! Need to wash though..
b) Kurungs made by my tailor in Gelugor - matching headscarves?
c) To check for the colours of kurungs made by my tailor at hometown - which headscarves again?
d) Jubah for tarawih - the last 10 days - at the mosque insya Allah...
e) Shoes & sandals?
f) Etc. inc. toiletries

3. Food
a) Plan to bake choc-cheese cake & trifle as usual - ingredients packed?
b) Kuih raya for mak & kak
c) Serunding for my sifu@U*M - planning to drop by for a discussion on the way back home
d) Bring along perishables from my fridge! Including acar buah.
e) Collect all cookies ordered? Suriya RM163++; Su RM??; Tini RM70

4. Cash/Duit raya sorted?
a) Mak
b) No-longer-working bro & sisters
c) 30 nephews & nieces minus 3 working ones; minus 3 in Malacca
d) Convocation's present? To be considered
e) Colleagues' kids - selected ones; selected friends' kids
f) Neighbours - elderly ones esp mak's closed friends & kids perhaps? Extra packets prepared?
g) Zakat fitrah paid myself - only RM7
h) Infak: 10% of salary insyaAllah done & distributed
i) Cash-in-hand for unexpected expenses?

5. Dua' List for 10 Days of Ramadhan 1434H
a) May Allah forgive all of our sins & may we come out at the end of Ramadhan  fresh & cleanse inside & out & a much better person too!
b) May Allah grant my mak longer time in this world & strong health too..and keep the family together
c) May Allah fulfill my heart desire - open up his heart to fully accept me the way I am & may Allah give me lots strength & patience to keep waiting for the time to come (if he is best for me, else..)
d) May Allah allow me to pursue my career further, juggling it alongside my family & friends ( esp. him) & allow me to stay healthy by running, jogging, hiking, aerobic & everything.. plus lotsa chance to travel and see this world (conferences hehe!)
e) May Allah  allow me to teach patiently & wholeheartedly, able to motivate some if not all of my students so that they will all succeed & aim higher insya Allah
f) May Allah give him the best of everything in this life & hereafter- he deserves to be happy
g) May Allah keep me in Islam, stay faithful to Him & only Him alone..aamiiinnnn

6. Apartment on standby mode
a) Inform the guard house & Linda-the-neighbour
b) Switch off the gas (non-ori head as told by Alan@BJ on Saturday, 27th July - so I always need to switch off the supply-halfway after cooking)
c) Check all doors & windows - double padlock for the entrance grill
d) Spare keys - remember where did I hide them? haha! One sets in PKE too...
e) Anything else? Hmm...

What went wrong 1

I hold on to this thought: whatever is left unsaid won't hurt people & it's definitely better that way.

I have lost track of the number of times he said things that hurt me - not that I am counting - but however i want him to care about me, I see this as signs of him not caring enough, as in I am not good enough for him now & in the future.

The reason why i do what i did is simply out of love - I want him to stay healthy by not smoking. Yes, I've been nagging him, emailing from time time to time & he could have just deleted all those emails @ simply told me to quit. 

But, menyampah-sampah? 

 

I pray for..

..one person to finally see the truth,
..two persons to finally see the truth,
..all three persons to open their eyes & mind too to finally see the truth..

I would be lying if I were to say I don't care about each and every one of them.

I wish for them to know the sadness that goes deep inside of me,,

One

Drafted in 20130114 - It is been quite some time now since the last update.

On my quest for The One..

One (though not The One as mentioned above) has got married to a beautiful lady, according to my friend’s friend in another institution up north. I saw the couple photo *coz I still keep his no as I think of us as friends & mostly we are colleague* Wish him the very best of wedded life!

Two, I met him face to face recently through the one who introduced us. I bet he did not remember what he did *more like DID NOT do* to me. He’s doing ok to. Still a single guy.

Three, he’s still into movies  - more into blueray now. And still searching too.

Four, I keep his no but I’m not sure he has mine coz he just went missing from BBM – maybe my lack of response explained it…still alone too!

Five, I’m sure he is happy too now, much happier perhaps with more than 1 kid. Finally, I’m free of him. No more stalking his whereabouts and such. I thank God all the time and him too for the lesson learnt the hard way.

The married colleague who proposed – our situation kinda awkward til now coz I still could not forget. If we have to then I tried to work to a minimum level with him…thank God I’m not interested in getting myself promoted to a position which basically put me in position as his immediate superior hahaha! *but I was nominated, according to some*

The married classmate who lied to me – I have had the 20^th year celebration without him. I worked hard as one of the committee members so that justified my personal request not to have him around!

And then, I thought I might have the One within grasp – maybe, finally… - only that he doesn’t realised it yet! It’s ok, I pray to God that one day *before it’s too late* he will change his mind and I will be waiting.. In the mean time, I let him trifles with my heart…which has been broken too many times already! I will not be waiting forever coz it’s not fair to me and I’m not playing games here..I pray that God will make me a stronger person in the months to come.

Unperturbed

*konon!*

The arrangement for the unit, in terms of making it ready for moving in, is really a trying times (still) for me. Yes, I bought it upon suggestion and recommendation from my future next-door-neighbour cum colleague. She and her hubby did all the ground works and most of the times even drove me to the meetings at the developer's and lawyer's office respectively. In the early days, during the excitement of planning for our respectively future abodes, we make promises together that was to renovate the front entrance together, extend the position of the box-grill further out on the pathway, which is possible given that it leads only to our corner units.

Then, we got the letter asking us to collect keys in early March. I collected my keys on March 18th, Monday. Arranged to meet an interior designer (let's keep it short to ID hereinafter - not that I really intend for her to design the deco for the whole 850 sq ft huh) by the following Tuesday. She came out with the design for kitchen cabinets and built-in wardrobes for the two smaller rooms by Thursday. By Saturday, we were already at the unit to do the measurement and I committed to her company by paying the 60% deposit/initial payment by the following week.

In between, I made further visit to the unit & to the developer's office to report some re-work to be done for cement-cracked in both wall of the two smaller rooms and few other small things including one window and at the balcony area. The document for renovation wasn't ready yet until much later. By end of March, I was already at the lightings & fixtures shop - upon recommendation of my ID (I'll explain my full trust in her later) and committed myself to furnish the whole units with whatever forms of suitable lightings (for 12-14 points) and 5 fans in total - paid 1/3 in terms of deposit & the shop promises to hold it in stock/storage for up to 4 months!

Then, the headache starts..
One with the developer - it's stated in the legal document that for renovation works involving internal contractor appointed by the developer, we need to pay RM2K deposit, which will be returned two months after the renovation is done. But, for reno works involving external contractor we have to pay RM5K deposit and it will only be returned 12 months after the reno is done. Oh, the unfairness of it!!!  Just because nothing is mentioned in the document about appointing external contractor, the developer has now the rights to determine/dictate the terms and conditions for doing renovation. Not only that, the so-called internal contractor now are demanding extra payment up to RM1.2K for using the lift and the so-called garbage collection! In actual fact, we, the buyer are already making the monthly maintenance payment 3 months in advance since March! Is that not more than enough to cover the usage of the lift by our ext contractor (who are ever willingly to settle the problem of reno garbage by dumping it at the garbage area)? Someone shared (in our group chat) that even for his lorry to deliver modules bought from factory outlets, they charge RM500 for using the lift! Someone in the developer's office advice for me & others too to wait it out for one year then only we move in...because the so-called internal contractor cum gengster aka kongsi gelap get control of the project ONLY for this important one year! I'm sick of this happening, almost unbelievable...I'm more than willing to pay for any services rendered but not for protection money as demanded!

Second, given that the ID is pushing for me to proceed with my reno project, I needed to make sure that the grill & such are put in place - for safety maa (scared that int contractor might want to sabotage my unit)... So, I asked (once) my neighbour, sharing my predicaments, stating that I want to move in swiftly i.e as soon as possible etc. and she said, "Be patient Rad, patience..." I have my reasons to move in fast & I really wanted to! During further visits to the unit with other colleagues, they gave the opinion that I have the right to go ahead with the reno work including grill installment  and even the int contractor (standard design for grill  & awning works - there's really no other options) said that they can do it for me - still sharing the extended box-grill but she can do her share of it anytime later. Upon supports from them, I called again to ask permission from her for me to proceed and she gave it reluctantly with promises to do it nicely! Actually, the design & such are standard coming from int contractor - I can only choose the tiles color! Which I said to be similar to the current tiles at the entrance.

Problem is now she's not talking to me! And we are to be neighbours!!! Our doors are inches apart separated by a mere wall! *sigh* What can I do? She's avoiding me entirely at our work place, if we meet by chance at the ladies, she ignored me. During event at lunch recently, I stopped at her table to ask about her mom's condition (she said: ok!) and her whereabout recently since I didn't see her around for quite some time (she said: I was around!) and that was it! *giving me a look that make me  standing there really uncomfortable & stupid, felt like ungratefull chit too!)* And just for the record, this is the second time I had it coming..which make me real sad..I pray to God, grant me the strength to be her neighbour..may Allah opens her eyes too!

I really pray for Allah to open the eyes of another colleague too. She accused me of something that I for sure didn't do! But I am guilting of something else which I couldn't explain to her given that it could jeopardise my other friend. She was saying, there's no use praying 5 times a day if I were so busy announcing her personal details to the Boss (which I did NOT!),  that I should just asked her if I'm that interested in her personal life (HELL-OOO???? In which parallel universe that she's living now?)

And that personal observation of hers spill over to our work & professional  commitments. Alas...the dreaded meeting, headed by the Boss, was over last Thursday - earlier on, I prayed to God to grant me the serenity, for me to keep my coolness and not be disturbed by anything she said or did. Honestly, I find it quite difficult to pretend that nothing has happen in front of other people and to just smile to her...I asked for her forgiveness, I pray that God forgive me too and I told her I did not want to talk about it ever again! I cried & just cried...she hugged *speechless* me saying that why am I taking it personally, why would I cry if I'm not guilty, of course I would want to defend myself blablabla, my trial (from her) isn't as bad as those faced by the Palestinians etc. etc. I was so angry at myself for allowing her to continue bullied me - this was the second time - for the record - last time she also 'discussed' things with me and honestly I want  nothing to do with her any more - Nada! Zilch!

Help me God...protect me from these people that I couldn't handle (I can feel the negative vibes coming from them)..forgive me if I intentionally did them any harm in anyway but please, please separate us far apart from having any things  to do together, aamiinnnn...

So much on my mind..

..thus, I need to keep a diary again - so many things to learn & I'm afraid I'll make the same mistakes over and over again (which I need to avoid to do so).

1. The meeting to elect the new committee members for the unofficial welfare body was held today. I wasn't aware of the politics involved in electing the members. To me, as long as I served my time to this day I don't really care who got elected. But alas, things are not as simple or straight as that...there's always a motive behind every moves and each and every one of it are interlinked. P/s: I know now I can never play chess or poker!

2. I headed a section meeting yesterday. Halfway thru, one of the members simply collapsed to the side. Thank God, she did manage  to mention earlier to us girls (before the two guys joined in) that she's been taking emergency leaves for the past two weeks in order to get treated for - I do not know how to actually say this in English - 'disturbance from the unseen' (perhaps?). She's having the symptoms for the past two months. At first, she thought, it was the usual culprit - you know, our monthly - but then she's losing sleep at night & to the extent of affecting her marital relationship (whatever that means since, er, I am not supposed to know) with the husband. So, she's been going the mosque to get treatment, even as far as KL to meet the famous local Ustaz (she fainted in the room when came face to face with the Ustaz) but that things keep coming back. It seems that she was having the disturbance  too during the drive to main office building (her office is elsewhere) and while the meeting is ongoing (her legs getting numb - one of the symptoms) too so she started to recite the Ayatul Kursi before she collapsed..

I was really hopeless when it came to this kind of things. Somebody called the varsity ambulance. Somebody else called the Ustaz from the varsity's mosque. I called one of the other colleagues upstairs with instruction for her to call anyone to help...and I stayed by her side almost throughout the incident. Er, eventually later I thought of calling the husband & by that time he's already on the way - it seems that someone else got to it earlier. The emergency teams came in & looked at the situation - asking kinda silly questions like can she stand up? If she can smile already, there is no need for the ambulance service..honestly, there's nothing much that they can offer in term of treatment except for some tranquillizing shot perhaps?

I do not know how to describe her situation really, she passed out, started making keening or wailing voice (really scary, everyone outside experiencing goosebumps!), then she came to herself, before passing out again & the cycles repeated. Throughout the time, my Chinese colleague asked me, "Baca Rad, baca Rad!) She meant for me to recite the verses from the Quran. Another male colleague & one of the deputy dean came in too & joined me in reciting the verses. He asked me (if I dare to) to hold one of the toes while reciting the verses. Honestly, I wasn't too sure what was the verses that were most suitable in such 'occasion' - so I just recited the al Fatihah, the 3 Quls, Ayatul Kursi, syahadah etc. again & again. I have to confess that I kinda forgot some the verses too, nauzubillah...
I wasn't that brave but I have had the experience of histeria during my secondary boarding school years - so that gave me the sense to be there & not running away in other direction.

The ustaz came in & recited more verses from the Quran (meaning Ayatul Kursi, 3 Quls are perfectly acceptable) and make long doa. She's keening louder & making strange sound... (To be continued)

What I need to remember for now:
1. Emergency leave (EL) is not good in terms of end of year appraisal - if possible, apply for leave before hand - if I had too, never take/apply EL for more than 3 consecutive days. If I had too, split  into 3 days, 2 days and so forth.
2. As the section head, I should have asked for clarification earlier when she's been away on EL for the last two weeks. Er, I did ask her on May 7th, and she gave a vague reply  - a family member sickness.

The good, the bad..

..all in a day's work!

1. I'm indeed thankful to God, the Almighty, ...the letter has finally arrived today- were asked to collect the key within the next 21 days! Provided the bank paid the last payment of course... I hear more money, lots of it, moving around, out of my account into others - Ka-ching!!!

2. Bra*nstorming session, for moi, means you are allowed to talk, no right or wrong, just to get everything out in the open - crazy indeas included. I hate it when 1, 2 or 3 persons monopolized the talking and had the cheek to ask at the end, why are you guys keeping quite? Bleghhh..... and please, control your intonation, no need to intimidate others with your loud voice  - it's annoying really. Eventually, your ranking, in my eyes, just achieved rock bottom!

3. You asked and you got your answer.. may not be the one that you're actually looking for but still it's an answer nonetheless. I did offer myself ...but if you still feel bored, empty inside then i guess you're kindly telling me something there ...which my heart is too blind too see! Be still & strong my heart.

4. Mak is the greatest living person in the world of  you & me - how could you make her cried time & again? She may not be the best mother (given the circumstances), but to me she's everything I ever need & want to be. Of course, you & me are not mothers ourselves ...so much to learn & I hope it's not too late!

5. I ran only 6km, instead of my original target of 8km! I want to run longer this coming weekend, at least 10km & I'm supposed to built up the distance from last week. As it is, it took me more than 55 min... I need to stop less & walk less...in case I forget, I'm doing this for myself - nto for show!

6. ...

Just for the record...

..of what I have been up to since the last entry in April 2012:

1. April 2012: Joined my 1st ever hiking competition (9.5km) with two of my aerobic buddies and got my 1st finisher medal! Thanks to Ubi S*tela for the invitation.
2. November 2012: The aerobic & fitness programme finally closed shop right before Ramadhan last year after 3 years of service (est. June 2010) so I gotta sign up for something in order to continue to keep fit - I signed up for my 1st Bridge Marath*n but for only 10km and finished in 1hr:20min - 2nd finisher medal!
3. Februari 2013: Not sure which one comes first - do I sign up for the earlier in order to train for Mt. Kinabalu climb? But again, thanks to Ubi S*tela & P* Bani (for the info etc.), me & one of my aerobic buddies (from #1 above) made it to the peak! Thanks Nann*or & team too. Long story but I won't go into it now..but we ended up with 2 certificates - extra 1 due the Mersilau trail which is relatively longer but with scenic views. Too bad the medals (have to buy @RM25 each) are out-of-stock!
4. Januari 2013: By this time, I'm hooked on running already....(but do bear in mind, my running constitutes of alternate jog-brisk walk-jog hehehe) and ran 17km for another (3rd) finisher medal. Timed 2hr:33min but then need to deduct Subuh prayer stop - twice! Spent a lot on fitness gear too...
5. I signed up already for organ donation, just in case you know...already let one of my brother as well as one sister know about it. I ticked everything except those on the skin surface.
6. Januari 2013: On rotation basis, I was appointed as Chair of Something. Not looking forward to shoulder the many responsibilities & meetings - urghhhh!!
7. Mac 2013: I might get the key to my apartment - pray hard for it for ages already, the OC are taking forever - bureaucracy!!
8. April 2013: Renovation in progress - funding comes from...? In God we trust!
9. I thought I found love, for real this time, only that it wasn't meant to be. Never mind lah, I will always love him *one fine day in future, I hope it is not going to be too late, he realises that I mean my words - the ball is in his court literally* but for now, life will moves on. Rad no te rajes!
10. November 2012: 2*th reunion celebration after two decades of leaving secondary school. After all the drama involved in the planning (girls will always be girls - bitchy & needy, moi included!) I enjoyed meeting everyone again (except for 1,2 persona non-grata were excluded - sorry guys! Coz you break our hearts so all is fair...)
11. Siblings rivalry & dramas non-stop in the family - but at least I made my peace with Sis#1. As for my 30 nephews & nieces - ignor me on fb at your own peril! I can be a nice maksu or I can NOT be bothered with you anymore if you are rude to me..Bro#2 is really annoying but blood is ticker than water, so do people say....Even mak also kind of hurted by one of her children - thank God it wasn't me!
12. Office policy of locked door (knock-knock!) is still maintain at all time - flirting from married male colleagues and nosy female colleagues are not welcome at any time.
13. November 2012: My eldest niece got married - congratulations! But no pressure, really, for moi!
14. September 2012: Went for a short trail of 'Gucci' Tunnel.. with shopping-crazy group of colleagues (but not really colleagues).  God, I love Ben10 Market!
15. October 2012: Lion City revisited for a conference presentation. Bought my Kate dress - must slim down to wear it more often - arghhh.. Drama occured as always...but wasn't me this time!
16. June 2012: Appointed as Deputy Chief Editor of Something - a small thing really but big responsibility!

That is all that I remember for now - I'm thankful to Allah for the opportunities, people and everything that came on my way whether good or bad there's something for me to learn from each and everyone of them. I pray for a better year ahead, more patience & hardwork from moi & blessing from Him in everything that I do.

10 weeks..

Monday, April 2nd - It was that time of the year again. We took the time and had come (two busses) all the way by boat for lunch at the J-Island Resort when it was announced that it was also a certificate presentation ceremony for HOD's Award for last year performance. My marks were a bit lower compared to the one for 2010 - I'm still thankful given that I had nothing published last year - but I still get recognised for the menial (however petty) works that I have done. Almost all of my colleagues whether academic or support staff got the same recognition too. Mind you, all that we got was just a certificate - not even boxed set of pens like last year.

But someone did not get the recognition. Maybe the way our performance being measured are biased to a certain extent depending upon who were the assessors. The 1st assessor for my section gave everyone a high mark! So it was really not a true measure of our relative performance..

At the varsity level, those top 12 performers from each department were treated to a special lunch as well as RM1000 each! However, those 12 was split into two - half quotas for academic and support staff respectively. For the support staff, everyone was of the mutual understanding that just wait for your turn (seniority or something), eventually you will get it! But for the academics, it is a totally different games altogether....I know some got it because they really deserved it, one got it again after almost 20 years *sigh* but then there are those...
Another thing worth mentioning here, last time the varsity used to give these top performers a pay rise (gaji naik menegak instead of the annual horizontal increase)!

My point of contention is why that person who-did-not-get-recognised shamelessly said this to my face: "Alah...setakat jadi AJK itu-ini pun boleh dapat cemerlang..."
At least, I still did my part - contributed to the school right?

All I know now, avoid her, ignore her - for my peace of mind!

Since I'm grumbling my dissatisfaction here, might as well include others whom I need to be alert to too:
1. There is this one particular guy, who is head of one of the varsity's Islamic club. There is this one other guy who is his deputy who is very much involved in giving talks on religious issues as well as others. On April 26th, one of my colleague's 18 yo son passed away - he had heart problem, doctor told the family that he had only a 6 seconds chance to be saved if ever he had a heart attack again. He went swimming with friends and were found almost drown in the water. All of us played a role in giving out moral supports from the hospital's morgue up to the burial ceremony. This guy (that i mentioned earlier) felt the need to told me (as chair of staff welfare club) what to do next - arrange for a special prayer session blablabla....when arrangement was already being made upon suggestion by others. But when it came to appointing the imam to lead the prayers, he said he got something else to do! So, the second guy came to the rescue... Funny thing is, he was still around during the prayer session! I had the impression, given that this is not the first time this thing happened, I definitely need to be careful around him....It took one other person last time to point out that I, as the conference secretary, was doing his treasurer's job!! And on the 3rd day of the conference, he simply excused himself from attending the closing ceremony and stay in the hotel for no obvious reasons at all...

2. This other person is supposedly a good friend of mine. I know, we have to accept everyone's quirks and everything but I find it hard to accept her behaviours when she pressured me for information about others and at the same time question why I am close with such-and-such, if a certain person is with me, she don't want to be around etc. which is basically putting me between a rock and a hard place! Yes, she is much senior than me, but does she need to always look down upon me? As if whatever she's doing is important but not mine? She had the cheek to say that the conference that I helped to organize last year of no quality!!! Damn!!! Didn't she know the amount of efforts that went into it? Obviously not...*sigh*

Moral of the story here, being assertive is way much different from being aggressive! And I very much suspected that she falls into the second category while I definitely need to up my assertiveness! Try not to be a pushover rad!

3. Ten weeks refer to the time it took to heal a broken heart - NOT!! I'm simply counting the days....I admit, I miss him very much! There wasn't a day that goes by where I didn't think of him..a quick glance at the building where he works is sufficient to put me in a melancholic mood. But at the end of the day, do remember rad, he dumped you!!! Remember what he said, after all the explanation, "..we're done, ..things are not meant to be.. and I don't want to see you anymore."

What else for me to do? I have called, smsed and emailed him to explain what had happened but alas there wasn't any room for communication. Lesson learnt the hard way - I'm such a hypocrite, so full of righteousness, blablabla... thanks to him!

But I still 'like' you, do you know that? *cue music: I wish nothing but the best for you!" Do let me know when you finally meet that one-in-millions: An Honest Woman! *gasp!!!*

Funny eh? *my heart is not in synchronize with my head*

Today is the day..

..only that it wasn't meant to be!

I planned to *cheekily* propose to him to marry me!

The perasan-bagus-alim-maksum-hypocrite-rad has come to terms with the concept of 'letting go and moving on.."