No.li.me.ta.nge.re

Totally not related to 'Noli me tangere' but relevant to my point below:
(From COED) nolens volens
•whether a person wants or likes something or not. Willing or not willing.
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It was a book title which I did come across long ago – was it primary or secondary school’s history lesson? Can’t remember now. Fast-fast go google!!! A-ha, I found it! Meaning, ‘Don’t touch me’.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:
Noli Me Tangere (commonly referred to by its shortened name Noli) is a novel written in Spanish by Filipino writer and national hero José Rizal, first published in 1887 in Berlin, Germany.
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I don’t know about you, but I found out pretty much recently that I hated it when people encroach my personal space – you know, the air bubble that surrounds you which is defined as your personal right, even much more - any part of the body. I just love my own space!

At the same time, I can’t deny the fact that I like being hug, touch or pat appropriately. Like a pat on my shoulder literally for a well done job, a hug when I’m down, between family and friends, a little touch here and there…I do love hugging and patting my (still kids) nephews and nieces’ body (it’s encouraged especially for orphans – as a mark of loving attention to them, taught by prophet Muhammad-peace be upon him). Just imagine the cats purring when patted…Oohhh! The feeling is so undescribable! (maybe because I’m not a cat huh? And cats can’t talk anyway.)

What I couldn’t stand is people who literally touch me to prove a point or something, many times indeed when I just happened to be the one standing next to her (if man, surely not allowed to touch a non-muhrim kan? No-no, don’t you dare!) while conversing with a few other people. It’s like trying to monopolize my attention, grabbing or directing my attention only to her while others are also deserving of my focus. It’s ok if you do it once or twice in one sitting, but for every sentence uttered? Annoyed the hell out of me as I couldn’t focus on the conversations (my thought keep on straying to, “No-No, do not touch me!!!” Once. Twice… Soon to be followed by, “Hiyakkkk!!!” *uncontrollable chopping motions or flying kicks – dream on!*

What more can top that detestable action? When you, a mere colleague, suddenly decided to be superfriendly lovey (In Public?) by hugging my waist (or the lack of it). Why was there a need to show that we’re goody-buddy?

One of my sister, definitely she wasn’t born with such ‘gene’ otherwise I would have fallen victim to it myself. However, I notice in recent years that she has the tendency to do the same – maybe the results of too much lepakking with her ‘kind of neighbours’ – you know, friendly to a point of ‘getting under each other skins’ – euww…. If only I could tell her (without hurting her feeling), “Just stop it willya?”

I’m really getting to a point of no return where I might live to regret my action or disavow few colleagues/friends/family members…help!

P/s: I don’t know whether you notice this already or not, I’ve been repeating, ‘you know - I don’t know…’ Doesn’t it just annoy you deep down inside??

A-ha!! That is exactly what I’m feeling….

Masih Sayang

Amboi.......sedap2 mulut aje depa berkata2 ye?

I (MN messaged yesterday)
"...sampai hati kau buat aku camni.
besar sangat ke salah aku pada kau?
tapi, aku masih sayangkan kau."

II (during chat with BP today)
"...I tak nak dengar benda2 buruk berlaku
i sayang u..."

Wawawawa...remind me of F.R. David's song lyric:

"...There's (no) hidden meaning you know
When I say I love you honey
Please believe I really do cause

Words, (don't) come easy to me
How can I find a way to make you see I Love You
Words (don't) come easy..."

If you still wonder why did I still 'entertain' them - I've a hidden agenda!!
Oh God, please make me strong enough...& determined to succeed!

What a small world indeed!

I was away for the past one whole week - to present ONLY one paper (kepoh je yang lebih!) at A Beach Resort with the Largest Pool area in the East Coast hehehe...(but lain2 perkara adalah hampeh - takde bintang langsung kot!)
So I had to give a rather important occasion a miss! That occasion marked the start of my new academic year as a 'teacher'.

Given the availability of free wifi @the conference venue, i took the opportunity to keep in touch with friends on fb (while attending the sessions)...imagine my surprise when a friend told me that somebody was looking for me in campus. Er, actually he first saw me in the students' directory. When finally we managed to get in touch:
"..saja drop by your office (after 14 years tak jumpa). You are NOT one of my teacher right?" *add a nervous laugh here*
Well, thank God - I'm NOT. I'm already nervous enough as it is...to start teaching again, mature students, in Malay some more etc. Now, add to that a familiar face? Kawan sepermainan dulu2? Ewwwwwww.....

BTW, another point worth mentioning is when I started my master programme (a long, long time ago) I was in the same cohort (for Micro class) with my ex-lecturer for one of my first year degree papers. Awkwardness ruled the days....but I felt deeply honoured to be in the same class with her - after all, she's one of the best! Sad to say, somehow she didn't quite manage to complete her DBA due to reasons *better leave unspoken*. I still admire her to this day!

Self-Sabotage

Still on the topic of my so-called love- or loveless life. In case you’re thinking that my life only revolves around that Mimpi Ngeri episode – OH NO!!!

Let’s put him (MN) where he belongs ok – The Unmentionable PAST!
As for The Blast from the Past (BP) – no swaggering from you my dear, coz - well, you’re Only A Friend now…

Ok, re: Calon-calonnya…..
Status updates
No 5: The matchmaker from my side decided to withdraw the ‘offer’ to consider for My Hand-in-Marriage since the matchmaker from the other side turns to be too…how to describe eh? She asking whether I’m pretty (Yes, I am – ahaks! *muahahahahahaha*), tall, qualification etc. etc.
According to her (the matchmaker from my side), “… lainlah the prospect tu bujang, tall, dark & handsome!!! Eiiii….”.
Fine by me…

No 4 is now in my fb-friends list…hehehe…at the time where I was seen busy online – flirting & provoking, going out for date(S) and ‘scared out of my pants’ with MN’s tricks! Didn’t look good on him, do I? He gave me his number (& I gave him mine) but…Naaaahhhh (he already annoyed me)!!!!!! But continue-chatting we did every now & then, daily...
*Wave hand to 'Selamat Pagi Cinta'!!!!!!!!*

And, in case you’re thinking that my life only revolves around finding that Elusive Effigy – Naaahhhhhh…I’ve decided to keep my professional life *Ahem!* far separated from my personal ramblings here…

My loungingbythebeach&poolside@midnite-date (you know who you are *wink2*) from the other night said that I’m an INTENSE person – shall I take it as a compliment?? Hahaha….

Dignified Silence

It's hard to maintain A Dignified Silence when all I wanna say to him is:
Bugger off dude!!
Mimpi Ngeri?? MERDE!!! *pardon my french*

But, but...excusez moi, since it came from a 'daughter of a bitch' - yup, it's moi!!! That's what he said, the 'Least Incriminatory Compliments' due to me simply from 'All the Things that I DID to HIM' (????)



P/s: At time like dis, I am sure you already wonder What Did I See in Him before??? Urggghhhh......

Tuhan lebih tahu...

Salam & greetings,
I know I'm not supposed to get scared of anything, Tuhan kan menjaga hamba yang sentiasa ingat padaNya. Tapi b/mana dgn waktu2 yang I leka & lalai?

I think u know what I mean...this is just for a record!

BTW, I've increased my privacy level w.r.t him - what he can see of me in fb. Maybe I'm getting paranoid here but better be safe than sorry. Do send me private msg (email/sms etc) instead of writing on da wall ok.

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To Mimpi Ngeri,
What do you want from me? Whatever that I've wrote here, however distorted, maniacal, one-sided etc. is totally about me (& how I feel), not YOU. The people here do not know of you - in real life.

Something BIG (for me lor)..

...that happened last Sunday.

There's A Wedding.
























Which I attended only lah...not being the main participant!
*I know what you think up there!!* hehehe

Due to heaviness of my stomach that immediate followed after the consumption of The Wedding Feast (best2!), I decided to spend time at the office (nearby) instead of went back home straight to bed (urghhh!!! the temptation was too great!) and stayed VISIBLE online (which I seldomly did coz it's not safe, well..you know!)....

Only to be greeted nicely by that Blast from the Past (hereinafter labelled as BP) whom I had already deleted from my YM list. BTW, please note that he's the one who came into my life (wawawa...so dramatic!) way before the Mimpi Ngeri (MN) episode.
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Part III: Bermain Dengan Api

.....
rad: tu la you, dulu I ajak kawin taknak hahahaha
*gelak cover line ni, in case you didn't notice*
bp : i nak tapi
bp : i takut masalah kemudian hari
bp : jadi sebab tu i kata berkawan dulu
rad: sayang semuanya sudah terlambat..
*background music of the said song by Ibn*r Reza*
bp : ada jodoh tak kemana
bp : oo ye ke
bp : kita muda lagi kan
bp : ada anak at 40 masih ok
rad: untuk you jodoh you, untuk I - jodoh I ok
*dengan penuh penyerahan dan kepasrahan pada Tuhan Yang Esa*
bp : janji duit cukup untuk mereka
bp : ok
bp : oo nak lawan Tuhan ye
bp : >:)
rad: bukan
bp : tahu takut
rad: I can 'read' into the future
bp : oo bagus
bp : ajar i how to read
rad: bagi I, takkan dah ludah nak jilat balik kan-kan?
bp : mah*thir ok la jilat balik
bp : i tak ludah lagi
rad: honestly
bp : ye
rad: what happened or not happened before this
rad: nothing to do with you
rad: but I was so hurt so there're Promises I Made to Myself
bp : between u n me?
rad: nope, there wasn't 'you & me' at all
rad: I realized all along, it was only me & my problem
bp : tak faham
rad: whatever lah
rad: kita berkawan
rad: i takmo ada ruang utk salah paham
.....
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...that opened up A Floodgate of Strong Emotions from me. If only he knew what he's asking...

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As a logical, practical & rational Economic person, I know what am I doing & supposed to do next BUT..
maybe you (yes YOU, my gentle & kind reader, if any, hahahaha) can tell me a thing or two??

Bermain dengan api - Part II

Pesanan Penaja: It has come to my attention (ya-ya, finally...*sigh* thx to Andrea & AZ) that my comment box has been unabled or something. I'll see what I can do ya..
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Prologue:

The comment that I left on my Partner-in-crime's (a SHE) fb-wall:
...I pun kena kuar berpoya2 mlm ni *nak kasitau je sebeno2nya* hehe...I've got a date!! kansel paper, kansel jog!! (13 May)

So, on 14th May:
she: so, amacam date last nite? buat i suspen ni...
rad: Hehehe...i like!!!
rad: Bercanda di pasiran pantai after supper @mamak, lepakking on da hotel lounge with the beach in front of us & the pool at the back - wonderful sea breeze (er, someone said bayu darat lah!), we discussed the 'state of marriage' & all in between - what else? *wink2*
she: wow! wow! wow my friend..haha..u ni biar betul??? i hope ur date last nite is straight..hehe..
she: btw, saja nak cakap..i tahu la u memang adore restoran mamak tapi takkanlah dating kat situ jugak kot : P
rad: by d time I reached home, it was pass 1pm - it's worth it!! tho' Im gonna pay d price 2day as not enuf sleep..& pile up works!
rad: Psst!!! I siap goreng maggi lg b4 goin' out - taknak la appear kelaparan sgt kan..control ayu wokeh!
she: err, u mean 1am? biar betul rad...tapi tak apa, as long as u treasure it..sebagai kawan, i doakan yang terbaik utk u.. (ish, u ni betul ke main2 ni? menyampah!)
rad: I told d whole truth, and nothin but d truth!
rad: eh salah type - 1am!
she: ish ish..benefits of the doubt (macam tak caya..caya..)
rad: Well...apsal tara mau pecaya? Sungguh tau, I did all that - my jeans still wet & splattered with fine sand. Even met org Iran hehehe..one of d 2 persons there can attest to that fact here
rad: Oklah, think abt it *eceh!!!* I gotta work now....
she: haha...tunggu, i akan siasat betul2 kesahihan cerita u ni..tunggu ya ; )
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What comes to your mind after reading that? So, rad has a (new) bf now?? Opps! You didnt know me that well....
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In-between the prologue & epiloge episodes, me & she continued our 'online flirting/provocation'. Hehehe..totally unplanned, no specific strategies involved or any objectives. After all, we're on the same wavelength *wink2*.

Something BIG happened on Sunday, 17th May (preceding the Epilogue)... *comin' up next!!!*

Bermain dengan api kah?

Bermain dengan api? Serampang dua mata? Meghoyan???
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Epilogue (Meghoyan kot?! daripada kata dasar: royan)

Somebody's fb status:
ppuan kalau dh belajor tinggi melangit bangunannya, mmg berlagak semacam jerkkk...menyampah tGok....citarasa tinggi la, nk setaraf la, bla...bla...bla... huhhhh...Mon 20:07

Followed by his own comments:
hasilnya....sorang2 jugak melayari bahtera kehidupan seorG andartu yg eGo tahap harimau bintang... haha 20:10
bila x paham apa yg kita pelajari, blh menyebabkan seseorg TERSALAH TAFSIR apa yg berlaku. 20:13
pegilah cari apa yg dihajatkan pada teorinya...dah kene buku dgn ruas,,, PADAN MUKA !!! eeeiiiiiiiiiiiiii, meluat luat aku tGok hinggakan nk pijak2 je kepalanya rasa.20:15
chinese said... ley ham ka channn lorrrr !!!20:16

Seseorang akhirnya telah mencelah:
sabar X .... apa masalah anda yg sebenarnya??? pm aku Bro....

Dan ini jawabnya:
xdak prob bro ! luahan rasa terhadap seorg yg bergelar `andartu` ! x sedar diri diuntung... what da bloody hell !!!
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Persoalannya: Perlukah aku terasa?? Jeng3x...

Earlier on, I was alerted by an sms: fb profile n.a. (kena godam???)? are u ok? si X ngamuk2 kat wall post. nape? (referring to the above status update)

Shud I go back to what I did in fb last week??? Hehehehe..it's getting hot 'ere - panaaaaZZZZZZZZ!!

Psst!! The Prologue will come out soon, stay tuned!!!

Dan calon-calonnya adalah…*drum roll please…*

Updated:
Matchmaker # 4: Finally, she reported (after almost a month) that my email add had been safely delivered to the intended person. Hmmm...are we back to the Snail Mail era??

Matchmaker # 5: Same as above, she told me (after a week) that my no had been pass over to the concerned sister ONLY...

Aiyoyo!!!At this rate we're goin' & mind you - my AGE..I might as well *censored!*...

Matchmaker # 7: The person who is, perhaps, reading this..well, maybe it's YOU! or YOU! or another YOU! Whoever lor...
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Foreword:
I’ve been reminded again and again by people from near & far (in terms of their blood ties to me), now that The End is near, my focus should be to find myself a calon suitable for marriage & to settle down nicely. Kacang je??
__

After almost (& only) 3 months at a new workplace (& everything), here is the list:

1. A day before I was scheduled to travel up north for long-term permastautinan, my sis informed me (but it’s supposed to be a secret still) of effort by her & hubby to match me with the hubby’s superior’s wife’s brother who is still single at the ripe of after-40. The reason being he was busy finishing his Ph.D before and now busier with climbing the corporate ladder (I did peep into his online organization’s chart – for the sake of ‘research’ ok). According to my sis’s hubby’s superior’s wife who acts as The Concerned Matchmaker, he wants someone who can cook exactly like his mom. As if…*lets not go into that murky water*. Anyway, my sis told her that while I’m far from being called a master cook but definitely no one will go hungry with the things that I CAN cook. So, the other side asked for my pix & phone no…and thus the waiting begun...(I hate this) only to be told in passing after a month & a half later that he’s not interested in me. Or marriage (am not to sure). No harm done.

Psst! He even rejected a woman who is rich enough to own & send him a heli to pick him up for a date. Wow!!

Note to the concerned matchmaker: Be more selective. Only introduce those singles that are earnestly looking & wanting to pursue marriage. Tak semestinya ada sijil tinggi pun.

2. During the early days at my new workplace (and way before that Mimpi Ngeri episode) one of my colleagues who is not only satisfied in enquiring the details of my single status, she kindly mentioned of a bachelor in her residential area who is a friend to somebody yang ada bau2 bacang to her and immediately asked for my permission for you-know-what lah. After much hee-haw & in between, I found out that the guy is way younger than me (well, Im in my mid 30s in case you’re wondering, born in mid 70s vs the guy’s mid 80s – must be that I look young eh? Woohoo!) who has a degree, currently unemployed but seeking to further his study.

By this time, the mimpi ngeri had started…with another guy lah.

Note to the concerned matchmaker: Only those yang dah baligh ya. Terima kasih.

3. May be I should honourably mention a still-single colleague whose office is just next door to mine. This is dangerous territory indeed but I need to mention it here as I spoke to him already & very direct too about the fact that others in the big office are pointing towards both of us together AND he should never feel uncomfortable in our daily dealings simply due to that cakap2. Apa, depa ingat ini mcm cerita filem P.Ramlee ka? Boleh senang2 pecah dinding tengah tu? Abis tu klu dah gaduh, bertukang pasang balik time tengah malam? Hehehe…
Well..
A. I’m not interested in office romance & subsequently inconvenience,
B. he’s younger a bit.
From snippets of conversation with others:
C. Person One said he’s taken.
D. Person Two told me the circulating gossips about Person One and him and Person Three who had told her that he’s not taken.
E. Whatever lah...sebeno2nya, The Spark is not simply there. No electricity. No chemistry. Should I mention here that we've met like a couple of years before?

Note to the concerned matchmaker: Please be reminded again to avoid unnecessary inconvenience in office surrounding.

4. Due to efforts taken to evade the mimpi-ngeri-person, I had to change my no (& get a new phone too- long story there! And sorry, mak only get my hand-me down but from now on we can chat daily & have no worry hehehe) & reconnect with old friends in the process of updating the said-no. Im not using the free service of blanket/mass sms of my new no since Im still keeping the old no (that against the telco rule) & wanna dissing out some friend’s no. So, this junior friend of mine is surprised (Gasp!) that I’m still single (singlehood is The Theme for today’s entry so bear with me) and excitedly jump on and proposed to me her hubby’s varsitymate who is also in my current neighbourhood & ‘telah banyak kali frust bercinta, habis beribu ringgit dipermainkan oleh wanita’. I give her the consent to pass over my no & also my email. However, I was silenced by the fact that he’s only hitting 30 or so this year! At least she has my no kan?

Note to the concerned matchmaker: Again, yang cukup umur sahaja ya adik.

5. Another concerned colleague (definitely female hehehe) recently dropped by in my room & closed the door (what a significant thing to do! A sure sign of hot gossips ahead) before we had our chat. Straight to the point, her previous neighbour (she knows the whole family, even the skeletons in the closet) and the sister is looking for a candidate for her divorced brother who is a medical doctor (Gasp!). When I asked, the reason for divorced being…I can’t recall already – must be nothing extra-ordinary! They have a 9 yo daughter together…
After my own spats with divorced guys, while I hold nothing against them, I need the reassurance that the tie between the couple has really been severed. Or at least the Ex-wife has remarried (if not dead).
Don’t want to risk myself in being The Orang Ketiga.
Don’t want to hurt myself like before when they did get back together.
It hurts so...
So, I readily jot down & passed over my no & email and still waiting to this day. It has been more than a week so what am I supposed to think?

Note to the concerned matchmaker: Kesiankan kami ibarat menanti buah yang takkan gugur. Hehehe…another thing, tak semestinya same qualification kan?

6. Latest, as of yesterday morning – my immediate neighbour, a happy couple & much blessed with a recently born 4th baby - the wife told me that the hubby mentioned my good name for this guy they’d recently discovered to be divorced (gulp!) during family fathering. He must be their relative then. The reason for divorced stated as the ex-wife tu ‘ada yang tak betul’ – apakah??? My plus point, according to her, is that the mother of the divorced guy is a somebody or sumthg so we can definitely hit on each other. We, as in me (not that Im a somebody yet) and his mom? Hmm..

Note to the concerned matchmaker: Apa2 aje lah..
__

So, an average of two candidates per month – not bad at all huh? Plus another one which is not worth mentioning lah.

P/s: Oh, should I mention about The Blast From The Recent Past who simply appear online again one fine day & acted so blasé as if nothing has had happened between us?? He whom I’d an Out of Body Experience looking down at myself lying broken on the floor, feeling so cold with hot tears streaming down my eyes…I’m still hurting.

Never ever again!! *insert the loudest hand claps here*

Weekend Adventure..

Senja, Kg Pelek

P.Jerjak, from Bkt Jambul

Treacherous pathway

What's waiting for you up there...

How to put up caption for each pix? Thanks to Marzuki@dilarangmelarang for the relevant info!